View Full Version : Updating (5 Years Later)

03-25-2014, 08:06 PM
Some of you may recognize my name, though most of you will probably not. Several years ago, in 2009 and 2010, many of the women on this forum helped me through the hardest struggle of my life. Looking back, some of the advice I received was actually quite harmful to the emotionally abusive situation I was in, but none of you could have fully known the situation. My last post regarding my marriage was on February 13, 2010 (you can find it here (http://christsgarden.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6448)), but there are several pages of posts from the few months I sought advice. I posted this on another forum where I also received advice, but I realize most of the help came from the women here. One woman, in particular, who is no longer on the forums has helped me to this day and has become one of my very best friends. I owe that friendship to this forum, so thank you! Anyway, I thought it was about time I came back and gave an update on my life since my last post. I realize it left a lot unsaid.


As I've said, my last post was in Feburary 2010. I was 22 years old and had been married almost two years, after foolishly saying "I do" after just over a month of dating. My husband was emotionally abusive, constantly told me what he didn't like about me, and denied me physical intimacy on a regular basis. The first time I knew he was cheating on me was in September 2008, two months after our wedding. I suspected his cheating again the following summer, but did not have proof. I spent the first 15 months of our marriage praying, going to counseling, and reading self help books, but nothing helped. He viewed me as a possession that he had won and had no further obligation to beyond sharing his name and home.

In October 2009 I deployed to Afghanistan for 4 months. I had not realized how my self esteem had been shattered until I arrived there. I began to realize that other men had an interest in me (though I did not act on it - I was a faithful wife) and that there was nothing wrong with -me- as a woman. I was attractive! I began to contemplate my marriage at this point. In early December 2009 I discovered an online profile posted by my husband seeking casual encounters with blonde women (he had told me earlier that he preferred blondes to brunettes). It was then that I told him I needed space and wasn't able to talk to him. I did not tell him what I had found, but began seeking legal advice. I opened a new bank account and had my direct deposit changed. I also began gradually transferring money into this new account and had divorce papers drafted. I still was not 100% sure I was going to go through with it. On December 25th, 2009, my husband demanded that I speak with him - I was his wife and I WOULD speak with him. It was then that I told him I wanted a divorce. He immediately called my mother (who knew the situation) and demanded she talk sense into me. She told him not to contact her. Shortly after this I was contacted by our pastor (who also knew the situation) who demanded I call my husband and work things out.

When I arrived back in Alaska in March 2010, I moved in with a friend until my new apartment was ready. My divorce was finalized on May 7, 2010. He got the house and everything in it. I got my dog, a blu-ray player, and a coffee maker. He never returned my grandmother's jewelry. She had died the year prior.

During the divorce process, I happened to meet a man who was three years older than me. He was a Merchant Marine and very sweet. I wasn't looking for anything serious. We went on a couple dates and then he went out to sea for two months. During this time we rarely talked - I didn't think either of us were interested in a relationship. He proved me wrong when he returned home. Shortly after my divorce was finalized, we made it "Facebook official." As the few of you who know my story are aware, he did "e-cheat" on me very early on (by telling another woman he loved her) and I broke up with him briefly. After a month apart, after an unfortunate series of events involving my other grandmother and his amazing display of selflessness, I ended up taking him back. That was November 2010.

In April 2011, we went on a weekend getaway for my birthday to a small bed and breakfast winery in Homer, Alaska. It was here that he proposed to me and I said "yes." Now, I know what you are all thinking, but no, I didn't make the same mistake twice. At this point we had been together for nearly a year and I planned on a long engagement. In all honesty, I don't think he was ready for marriage either - I think he was scared of losing me again after he had to spend a month without me and had to put a ring on my finger!

I separated from the military on June 5, 2011. After discussion and careful consideration, we decided to move to North Carolina. My family is here and he wanted me to be close to them since his job keeps him away for so many months out of the year. We moved down together: me, my fiance, and my dog. I was amazed that he was willing to leave everything he's ever known to keep me near my family and ensure my happiness.

For six months I was a stay at home puppy mom. I took those six months to just enjoy myself after four hectic years in the military. We adopted a second puppy together in October 2011 and named her Luna (to go with my first puppy's Bella). In January 2012, I went back to school. And 11 months later, on December 21, 2012, I got remarried, this time in Walt Disney World after a nearly 2-year engagement following a nearly 1-year courtship. Nope, this girl learns from her mistakes. We honeymooned there also, for 16 days, before returning to North Carolina.

I graduated with my associate's degree in English in August of 2013, and started working on my bachelor's degree in Religious Studies at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill during the same month. I am set to graduate in 2015 and just ordered my class ring (well, actually, my husband surprised me by ordering it for me!).

We celebrated our first anniversary with a Disney Cruise to the Bahamas in February 2014, two months late because of his job as a Merchant Marine. We plan to have a 10 year vow renewal ceremony back at Disney World in 8 years and 9 months. I will not say our marriage is perfect - far from it! We participated in pre-marital counseling (something I didn't have time for the first go round) and have no problem consulting a counselor if we have an issue we cannot solve. There have been arguments and there will be more, but he is loving and caring and kind and I love him. He has never denied me anything out of cruelty and he provides for me in ways my ex-husband never even considered.

Our future plans include building a home in Florida, a couple hours from Disney World, once my husband finishes his upgrade training to 3rd Mate this August. We also plan to eventually buy a summer home in Alaska. We plan to visit Europe next year and see Disneyland Paris.There are no immediate plans for children, but who knows what the future holds? There is a lot we want to accomplish before then. I am not religious as I once was, but I am infinitely happier now than I ever was then, in my last posts here.

My ex-husband totaled his truck shortly after I asked for a divorce and before I returned from Afghanistan. He took out a massive loan he could not afford to remodel the house we had purchased. After sleeping with a "friend" he had a baby with a woman he was not even dating. His family apparently stopped speaking to him at some point during all this. He now pays child support and has joint custody. At one point he asked me to write a character reference letter to help ensure joint custody - which I did. I believe he was remarried sometime last year. The house is still in my name and his new wife is in the process of selling it. If this ever happens, I'll finally be free of him.


I know this may be completely random for most of you, but I owe so much to the ladies of this forum that I wanted to come back to share this. I realize that the things I posted back then may not have been entirely appropriate to share in an online forum, but I didn't have anyone else. Thank you all for being my shoulder(s) to cry on in such a hard time!

As I've said, I am not religious as I once was, but I'm hoping you'll take me back! Thank you, ladies, for everything!

03-25-2014, 08:38 PM
It's so good to see you here again! :hug:

Thank you for the update. I've thought of you many times over the years and wondered how you are doing. And, while we're Christian-based, being a Christian is not a requirement for membership, so you are more than welcome here, whatever your status is now. :)

03-25-2014, 08:49 PM
It's so good to see you here again! :hug:

Thank you for the update. I've thought of you many times over the years and wondered how you are doing. And, while we're Christian-based, being a Christian is not a requirement for membership, so you are more than welcome here, whatever your status is now. :)

Thank you! :)

03-25-2014, 09:09 PM
It is so good to see you again!! :hug: Welcome back! Thank you for that update; I am happy to hear that you have found someone who respects you and is willing to listen to you and care for you :D

03-25-2014, 09:12 PM
I remember you as well and I'm glad you came back to update us! Hope you'll stick around. It will be good to see you around here again. :)

03-25-2014, 11:12 PM
I remember you and have wondered how you were doing over the years. I'm glad the update is a happy one! Welcome back!

03-26-2014, 01:10 AM
HI :) Glad things have gotten better for you :)

03-26-2014, 08:04 AM
Welcome back! I remember you and have thought about you from time to time...I'm glad you are doing so well! Thanks for the update!

03-26-2014, 09:10 AM
Welcome back!

03-26-2014, 10:01 AM
Welcome back! I remember you and have often wondered what happened. I'm so things are going better! I wish you many GOOD years and great happiness with your new dh!

03-26-2014, 10:18 AM
Thanks so much, ladies!! I'm glad to be back!

03-27-2014, 12:37 AM
Welcome back! Glad things are going well for you! :)

03-27-2014, 09:48 AM
I've thought about you over the years!!!! I was Bethrow back then. I'm so happy for you that you moved away from that situation and are finally with someone who shows you the respect you deserve.

03-27-2014, 03:21 PM
I remember you. Welcome back! :D I'm glad things are better for you now

03-27-2014, 05:55 PM
Welcome back, I do remember you too!! You have matured and your writing is so focused. This is good!! :) I hope you stick around.

03-27-2014, 07:47 PM
Thank you all so much, ladies! I can't believe how many of you are still around!

03-27-2014, 10:32 PM
I remember you and your situation and have thought about you here and there! I am glad that you are back and safe and sound :) Welcome back!

03-28-2014, 12:48 AM
I've often wondered how you were! Thank you for the update, I'm glad to hear how happy you are!

03-28-2014, 04:56 AM
I remember you as well. I'm glad things seem to be working out for you.

05-22-2014, 09:13 PM
I'm not really around, but I just wanted to pop in and say that I'm so very happy for you! ((((hugs))))

05-22-2014, 09:53 PM
I'm not really around, but I just wanted to pop in and say that I'm so very happy for you! ((((hugs))))

Good to see you Boud :hug: