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blythe_ann
10-03-2014, 03:54 PM
Don't worry-- I'm not crying :).

Just thought I'd open up a discussion. Probably won't last long, but thought people could talk about crying.
I'm not an in public crier. I can count the number of times I've openly cried in public on one hand. Three. My grandfather's funeral (who wasn't a believer) when the pastor said we'd see him again at the gates of Heaven someday, it was the first time I realized someone I knew might not be in heaven with me someday (who knows, maybe he came to Christ in his last moments). Once when a teacher was pressuring me into attending a certain college and caught me on a particularly bad day, so I stood in the hallway and cried until she left me alone. And, this past Mother's day, during the prayer, when the pastor prayed for women who wanted babies and couldn't have them.
At home, I don't cry often, either. Pain doesn't make me cry (unless it's when my GSD smacks me in the nose with his head!), bad news doesn't make me cry, I try not to worry, so I don't cry at worrying.
I do cry about once a month, you guessed it, when my monthly visitor arrives. Heightened emotions and the fact that I would much rather be finding out I was expecting. But then, I cry when I find out, maybe on my run that day, and in the shower, but that's all I allow. No point in continuing after that. I have cried in front of my husband and my mom openly, but avoid it otherwise, just because I don't want people to feel sorry for me.

I ask because last night we had a very emotionally charged women's meeting at church. The speaker was a woman who lost her family in a car accident, which resonated with our pastors wife who lost her dad, mom and young brother in a car accident years ago. We also had a family that recently lost a 24 year old son, and another family who lost their 21 year old daughter years ago. Then, there was the young lady who was engaged and then he dumped her for seemingly no reason and she was left broken hearted. And the woman who shared being raped and having an abortion when she was young. And, another woman shared her blessing, after being infertile she got pregnant while adoption sisters and within two years had 5 children.
So, as you can imagine, there was barely a dry eye in the house. Except me. Even when one of the ladies tried to "include me in the pain" by bringing up our infertility issues, I just couldn't cry there, in front of them. You ladies know the whole story much better than they do (I would probably have cried had it been one of you asking about it!), but I just tried to look solemn when she spoke about me.

Just wondering what other people think about crying. My mom is the opposite of me and cries when she sees a cute puppy or someone else crying. So I know there are a lot of differences here :).

Sam
10-03-2014, 05:15 PM
I'm the kind of person that can be crying by myself for half an hour but once I'm in the presence of other people you'd never know it.,I can think of a few times I've cried in public, my first extreme panic attack, during the lunch rush at work, and my manager who was ordinarily an old curmudgeon stopped what he was doing and led me in the stock room to calm me down. It was mortifying lol. Let's see, I had an abscess tooth and foolishly decided to go to work and was crying in pain before the district manager saw me and sent my butt home. :P I openly sobbed for my grandpa's funeral. I was devastated when he died, and we had lost my uncle, aunt, Dh's grandma, and then my grandpa all within months of each other so I was overwhelmed with grief. I didn't cry at any of the other funerals though.

Usually I have to be exhausted or extremely frustrated to cry, and then I will do everything I can to escape and be by myself, if I can't, I'll quietly cry and try hard not to be noticeable.

That time of the month is a different story. I'll cry for a commercial, for a song, if you look at me funny, it doesn't matter. I'm a mess! My MIL is the office manager for a lab and recieved some samples of a prescription PMS drug and I tried it last month and it really helped so I'm planning on talking to my dr about that.

My mom is the same way, but my dad is a man who has no problem crying when he feels the urge. :)

mina
10-03-2014, 07:07 PM
I don't cry unless I'm feeling something deeply. I hate to cry in public, but have done so. If someone is truly sad or heartbroken and if they are crying; then I cry with them.
Also, if it's a moment where I feel I'm "expected" to cry; (at a sad story or a heartwarming story or at a funeral) I have a lot of trouble crying. I've had more than one instance when someone was mad at me b/c they thought I should be crying about whatever situation and I wasn't. I think that is truly bizarre. There have been times where I've cried so much ,that even though I'm still sad, there are no more tears left.
My time of the month doesn't make me more emotional in a crying sort of way. I have far less patience with everything, but I don't cry more often at that time.
I don't think there is any one right way to cry. Obviously , there are extremes and other factors could be influencing emotions (medications, hormones, etc…), but I really just feel like crying as a response is just a part of personality. If I am crying, I truly mean it. I don't like people judging me on if I cried at something they thought I should or they think I shouldn't be crying over something important to me.

snooch
10-03-2014, 08:18 PM
I used to never cry in front of anyone else if I could help it. It happened sometimes, but I hated every minute of it and was mortified about it.

I've gotten over that. I'm still not a big public crier, and rarely do in front of someone other than my husband, but if I do I don't worry so much about it anymore. It just doesn't matter as much. I figure everyone has emotions, and they aren't anything to be humiliated about expressing. My therapist has labeled me "emotiphobic" and I'm trying hard to get over that.

In private, or with just me and my husband, I'm a crier LOL. I cry at TV shows and movies, I cry at sweet things, I cry at sad things, I cry when I'm frustrated and sometimes when I'm angry. The other day, my 7th grade Social Studies teacher sent me the sweetest message on FB for my birthday, and that made me cry. :D

In public, I rarely cry, and when I do I try not to make a spectacle of myself, but I don't get embarrassed about it like I used to.

tiredwalker
10-03-2014, 08:52 PM
I'm not a crier either. Probably a couple times a year. If everyone is crying, I just get really uncomfortable and distracted from what I'm supposed to be crying about.

However, if I do cry in public on accident, I get really embarrassed and it turns into the ugly cry. That's the worst.

DIANAC
10-03-2014, 10:29 PM
An interesting topic. I have never discussed my crying habits.
I was 22 when my mother died and I did not cry at her funeral. I came from a culture where people and especially daughters are expected to wail at the funerals. People were whispering that I did not cry. But I was simply numb and cried alot privately. I loved my mother. How can anyone judge a 22 year old who just lost her Mom?
Yes, I cry privately. As I get older, sometimes I cry during prayer meetings or singing hymns. I used to get embarrassed about that. But then I realized that if Jesus wept publicly then it's OK.
When I am sick, I am just cranky.
I don't know what I would have done at the emotionally charged women's meeting. All my life I was only in one women's only Bible Study. I was always surrounded mostly by men. I don't think I know how to associate with many women. That is why this forum is so refreshing for me.

katzankatz
10-03-2014, 10:52 PM
When I was little I never cried in public, even if I was very upset or in a lot of pain. To me it would have been the height of humiliation, akin to being naked in public. Naked soul = naked body. I remember being at my grandma's funeral when I was about 10 and wanting to cry so bad. I struggled to even breathe, but I would NOT be seen crying, even though other people around me were crying openly. This is how it was for me for most of my life up until recent years. There wasn't really any specific turning point. Kind of started to get tired of pretending I was perfectly happy when I was not. I didn't see other crying people as freaks, so why would they think of me that way? I have cried in public a few times, and the extreme humiliation is no longer a factor, but it still is a little uncomfortable for me to let myself be so vulnerable.

All that said, i still just don't have those super deep emotions. I usually cry it out pretty quickly.

Hormonal changes result in some deeper emotions though. Commercials, greeting cards, animal stories, songs... Sometimes it is funny the things that touch my soul once a month:).

I work for Hallmark, so of course handle a lot of merchandise. The cards with pictures of animals on them? Oh, my goodness. Melt my heart of stone!

snooch
10-04-2014, 01:21 AM
Did anyone get the line from their parents, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"? I think that's one of the reasons I never liked to cry in front of people.

Diana, I can't imagine someone judging a 22 year old who had just lost her mother for not crying enough :(

My mother's funeral was sort of a turning point for me. I never cried around my family, ever. I didn't cry in front of them when my dad died. When my mother died a few years later, I was okay until I saw her best and oldest friend sobbing during the funeral. Then I lost it - in front of the rest of my family. I just decided I wasn't going to let it bother me anymore. Like Katz said, I never thought anyone was weird for crying, so why would they think that of me?

scarygothgirl
10-04-2014, 05:23 AM
I don't like to cry infront of anyone, but on my own I'll cry a lot for certain films or tv programmes or just 'cos I'm sad.

When I was at school I cried every chemistry lesson. The teacher hated me and I didn't understand the work and I didn't have any friends (there were enough people in our class that everyone could sit on one row, except me. I sat all alone on the back row). Sometimes I wouldn't cry in the lesson, until the teacher said something like 'for this next activity you need to get into pairs'.

Last year I cried infront of a church group when my parents phoned me in the middle of homegroup to inform me that my cat had died. I knew it was coming, but it was still very sad.

I've never been in a situation where I felt I should have been crying and I wasn't. I've had the odd situation where I felt very much like crying but held it back to avoid crying in front of people. When I was sixteen I went to the funeral of a family friend, and it was one of the saddest things I've ever witnessed. There were about ten people there, four of whom were my family. The only person to speak was her sister, who talked about how the family had treated her as if she was dead all these years, and now she finally was. I felt I shouldn't cry in that situation, no-one else was crying, my family had never seen me cry, and I wasn't even fond of her when she'd been alive. I've cried plenty for her since.

katzankatz
10-04-2014, 10:08 AM
Did anyone get the line from their parents, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"? I think that's one of the reasons I never liked to cry in front of people.

hmmmm.. good question. I don't specifically remember being told that in those words, but I think that was kind of the general attitude in our family. Pull yourself up and move along. People can cry for silly reason and for major reasons. I saw ALL crying as silly stuff.

blythe_ann
10-04-2014, 05:28 PM
This is all very interesting. I gave it a lot of thought, since I started the thread, and I know why I don't like to cry in public.
I think it goes back to my dad. His reaction to sad situations is to try to make everyone else feel better by telling jokes. So, when things are sad,I tend to do what I can to make people smile, because that's what I grew up with.
I never think anyone who cries in public is "ugly crying" or that they are trying to get attention, so I don't know why I think that's what others would think of me. Crazy.

Ramura
10-04-2014, 08:59 PM
There was a long period in my life when I never cried, publicly or privately. From 12ish to about 18, I literally did not shed a single tear. I had a pretty good life, so there weren't a ton of reasons why I would have "needed" to cry, but I was still human and went through stuff but I just could never cry about it. I tried sometimes just for the release but I just couldn't.

I started tearing up a bit here and there around 18. My grandmother died when I was 19 and I bawled my eyes out then. Plenty of people were around and I wasn't shy about it, but I also wasn't the only one crying. After that, I started having mini-cries more often. But I never sobbed or just completely lost it and it certainly didn't happen frequently. Maybe once or twice a year. I don't think it's ever been in public.

These past few years, I've become a bit more of a crier, though I still don't sob. It's usually just a few minutes of sniffles, which sometimes I even have to force. I've cried in public a few times, like when my sister came back from her medical missions trip to Sierra Leone and told the story of the little boy who came into her clinic with malaria and left in a body bag. Most of my crying episodes just don't come on in public though. I have a friend who's been my shoulder to cry on for the past few years but other than that, I mostly just cry to myself.

It still doesn't happen often. I can choke up just listening to the radio, but actual crying only happens maybe once every few months. The last few times have just been a frustrating nobody-understands-me type cry. Most of my cries are from being frustrated or overwhelmed. A few are just from being sad.

Did anyone get the line from their parents, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"? I think that's one of the reasons I never liked to cry in front of people.

That's interesting. I never got that phrase exactly, but I've noticed since my nephew has been born how strict my mom can be with crying. She'll tell my nephew when he starts to lose it, "no fussing!" which to me, it seems ridiculous and a little mean to tell a 2 year old not to cry (this is usually when he's being disciplined or just being stubborn, not when he's genuinely scared or hurt). Maybe it's just me though. I am certainly not implying my mother is cruel; she was a great mom and is a wonderful grandmother. I just find her discipline methods kind of harsh and I wonder if that may have had an effect on me. Maybe not though. I never really thought about that exactly until now.

GM
10-04-2014, 09:13 PM
I cry:-) I cry at church during communion or during certain songs, sometimes during the sermon. I cry when I read about kids who need parents to adopt them but no one will, or kids who are abused, or super sad stories. I cry when the boys have given me a tough day.
But then I'm strong in public. When we had our burglary, dh and I kept it together in front of the boys and detectives. Once the boys went to sleep and everyone was gone, I lost it. But then there are times when I hear a sad story at church and nothing. ..no tears.

Christina
10-06-2014, 12:05 AM
I'm a crier but I cry at the most random times. I am a very visual person so a commercial can make me cry, TV/movies can make me cry, even pictures can get me to shed a tear if they're emotional enough. Music also can get me crying...it can move me...either worship music and I realize God's love for me or whatever and I cry from that or when music is especially beautiful...

And then sometimes I'll cry in church when something really hits home. Or I'll cry when I think about people that I miss, such as the mom I worked with, or my spiritual dad in Ohio, or my best friend in another country.

Most of my crying, though, is from emotional pain. I do less and less of that as time goes on thankfully. But I'm just a crier. I used to not be a crier and I'd hold it in, then have horrible rages. Now I just cry out all my feelings. It makes things a lot better. I am comfortable crying now because I see it as a positive, not a negative. It is a release, and there is nothing to be ashamed about. If I am around people who don't know how to handle crying, I feel a little bad, but I don't let it stop me from being emotional. God made us emotional beings...whether we are emotional in a "crying" way, or emotional in other ways, we are all emotional. So I don't expect anyone to feel like they have to hold their emotions (of any kind) back from me, nor do I expect myself to hold back my emotions. I will be respectful, but if I feel the need to cry, I will, and then I let the chips fall as they may.

At my brother's funeral, I didn't really cry. I should have. But I didn't. On the night he died, I didn't cry either. Everyone else did. I handle grief privately, even though I never intend to. Usually, I will not actually feel anything positive or negative when I have something to grieve about, such as when I heard my brother got killed. But then it will hit me later at some random time and I'll go all crazy.

I never cry when I'm "supposed" to cry lol. But that doesn't bother me.

mum2only1
10-06-2014, 08:30 AM
I have been a cry baby all of my life. For the last few years I have been on antidepressants so I don't cry as much as I used to. I always felt overly sensitive, overly emotional, always felt like I had a lump in my throat ready to cry. I've cried in public all the while hating myself because I was making an absolute fool of myself. I always felt weak and frail to cry in front of others.
I'm glad I don't feel like that now. I always felt like a fool.
I do cry when it comes to sad stories, feeling like a bad mother or when my son hurts, or when I haven't taken my meds for a few days I will just start crying about anything and everything.
I sobbed the other day when I found out a guy I have known since grade school died of a drug overdose in July. I was so heartbroken because I probably will never see him again. He was the most beautiful kid in school...but his parents were druggies and he started drinking, smoking, and taking drugs in the 5th grade. He never stood a chance. I cried all night over the loss of him.