PDA

View Full Version : Adoption


blythe_ann
12-11-2014, 12:07 AM
Hi Ladies,
Just thought I'd give an update, in case anyone was interested.

My husband I went as far as to make the initial infertility appointment. We left with a list of possible tests, the costs of those tests, and a feeling in the pit of our stomachs that this wasn't right.
Adoption had been on our minds for a long time, even before we were married, I guess just the quest of being "normal" and having "our own" sidetracked us from it. But, at that point, we could either invest our money, time and emotions to infertility, or towards adoption, something we had thought about for years.
We decided officially, with no reservations, on the drive up to Thanksgiving dinner. We told our families, who were all supportive for the first time ever.
We called 30 some numbers, 18 agencies, and found out no one was accepting new families right now in our state. Heartbreaking after finally coming to the decision.
Then I happened to call someone who does home studies, who gave me a number to another agency. I was connected to American Adoptions.
They are more expensive than the other agencies I called, but do a nationwide, full service for adoptive families and they were accepting applications. I was worried about affording the cost of adoption, when my mom told me that if all else failed, we could pull out some of my inheritance if we needed to (we are going to try to avoid it, but this opened up the possibility!).
Then, I called back the home study lady, who happened to be driving through our area this coming Friday (which is really fast for a home study appointment). She sent the paperwork and said it would take a while to get everything done because it was the holiday season. We were able to do the physicals, fingerprints, and background checks all in one day. We filled out the paperwork and are done with the exception of 10 hours of education and our personal references need to send their paperwork in.
This is faster than homestudy stuff is supposed to go, and I really do believe it's God confirming that we are doing the right thing. I haven't felt this at peace in over a year.

While I am very excited, I have to admit that I feel a bit selfish to be excited. Adoption is a huge blessing, but it's also a tragic thing. I get to be a mom and see my husband as a dad, but a woman is living a heartbreaking situation that causes her to determine someone else should raise her child. That child will always have adoption as a part of their story. We all have terrible situations and tragedies in our lives, but it doesn't seem right that I should benefit. We just hope that we can be an encouragement to that birth mother, that we can bring love and light into her and her families world. And most of all, we hope we will bring all of the fruits of the spirit into the life of that baby that will become our son or daughter.

In the end, adoption has nothing to do with me. I'm humbled to be called to this.

I'm also going to do fundraising for this event in our lives, and while I am scared and embarrassed to ask, I just feel that God will provide.

snooch
12-11-2014, 12:42 AM
I'm excited for you - things are progressing quickly, so just remember to breathe and make your decisions, don't let speed/time/pressure make them for you! Can't wait to hear more along your journey :)

Mrs_B
12-11-2014, 07:42 AM
How exciting!! I will pray for you and DH as you continue on this journey. Are you hoping to adopt an infant or an older child? You will be a great mother!

purple
12-11-2014, 07:47 AM
Oh wow Blythe, I'm so excited for you.

You will be such a blessing to any child you take into your care!

I will be praying Gods will be done and you hear his voice directing you clearly xx

blythe_ann
12-11-2014, 06:44 PM
Thank you ladies, for the support. So far, the support has been overwhelming. While I hope it goes smoothly and maybe even quickly, I also hope that I will have time to read the three new born books I just bought before anything takes place!

mum2only1
12-12-2014, 06:32 AM
This is so exciting!!! I know so many people that have adopted and their lives have been richly blessed. Whatever happens God will provide.

blythe_ann
12-12-2014, 03:15 PM
We had our first official home study visit and it went so well! The lady was so encouraging and seemed to be all positive about us. I think I shocked her that I had all of our paperwork done, in order and done correctly. She was also surprised that we knew so much about open adoption and what it entails and the entire process. Apparently most people just show up with "I want a baby" and that's about it.
So, we feel really good at this point!

GM
12-12-2014, 03:44 PM
very excited for you!

Jesus-is-the-1
12-13-2014, 05:03 PM
I'm so excited for you and your husband! I have 3 adopted sisters. You will be such a wonderful blessing to any child placed with you! I'll be praying for this process. Can't wait to hear more details as they unfold!

Kehaar
12-15-2014, 05:33 PM
I'm very pleased for you :)

blythe_ann
12-31-2014, 06:58 PM
Just thought I would update everyone again, though there isn't a lot to update on. We will be active as soon as our homestudy is complete (possibly next week) and our video profile is complete (probably mid January).
We sent out a Christmas letter that announced our adoption decision. I thought I was tasteful in explaining what we were doing, how expensive it was and how we were trying to raise the funds ourselves. I said we wanted to ask for prayer, and if anyone felt they wanted to contribute, how to contact us. I made it very low key, almost hidden, in the letter as to not offend anyone.
Well, we offended a few people.
But, it's been very humbling. People I barely know have given amounts that have surprised us. It brings tears to my eyes every time. It's amazing. It's been interesting that the people who have donated have almost all been surprising. An older gentleman I grew up near, the parent of a student I taught for a whole month (who didn't even get a letter, but found out about our plans), a lady from my husbands work, an anonymous $100 bill placed in our mailbox. It's just... amazing.
It's the family that's all annoyed that we asked for help. But, to be honest, very few people my age (or any age) would have that required funds just sitting in savings. So, I'm not concnerned that I have offended my grandma (who has had little interest in my life since middle school) or my parents, for that matter. The people who have helped, even in small amounts, are always going to hold a dear place in my heart for their amazing generosity.

Other than that, we're still working hard at reading books and taking classes and prepping for a baby to come home. You never know.

purple
01-01-2015, 08:39 AM
Sorry people got offended at you asking, that's horrid.

blythe_ann
01-01-2015, 01:15 PM
Well, it's their choice to be offended. It's not like I begged or forced. And, again, honestly, we have received some of the most heartfelt gifts since then and I am so humbled. It's just a bummer that it's family that gives the most trouble :S, since it will be there family expanding. But, I didn't really expect much better.

blythe_ann
01-03-2015, 10:12 PM
Just had our second meeting with our homestudy person. We have one more meet with her and have to watch a couple of videos from her before then (if they come in... she's not the greatest about mailing things she promises to mail). This was the interview about our history. Next week is about the future... how we will parent. If she likes us, she will write our home study document in hopefully a week or two. Then, it is reviewed by our adoption agency. We have been getting our profile ready (we are finishing the video profile in the next couple of weeks as well). If all goes well, we will be active by the end of the month. Which means, we could be parents as early as February (highly unlikely, but, a possibility). We just wait after that to be chosen.
Our only major problem is our budget is apparently "too low" and we might have to wait longer because we don't fit into the situations they deal with most. But, it's expensive enough as it is and I kind of feel like the agency is like a car dealer in trying to get us to spend more money. Oy.

I'm super excited. And nervous.

GM
01-04-2015, 05:04 PM
Can you negotiate? My friend's are adopting for the 3rd time and they pay what they're told. .. no wiggle room but all three have been international. I'm curious :-)

GM
01-04-2015, 05:05 PM
And that seems so fast! !! How exciting!

blythe_ann
01-05-2015, 11:55 AM
no negotiating. In most cases through an agency they give you a set dollar amount you have to stick to. Our agency allows you to set a budget (to a certain extent, they have an amount they won't let you drop below) and they only show you to cases that work within that budget. Now a days, it isn't uncommon to pay a birthmothers rent or grocery bill the last few months of pregnancy, but our budget doesn't allow for that, so we will be shown to birthmothers who have insurance and don't need help financially (basically, we are being shown to younger girls living at home with their parents) which means we are limiting ourselves to being shown to so many people. Which is a bummer, but, again, we already can't afford the budget we set so I can't imagine trying to go higher. Our "social worker" says they typically show your profile to 15 or so birthmothers a month, but at our budget, it will be more like 5.
Again, this is a for profit organization and I wouldn't doubt if this is an attempt at an upsale. If it weren't so difficult to get into local organizations, we would. And if it wasn't so horrifying to do a private, we would. Just a lot of scamming that goes on there and we aren't lawyers who know how to navigate everything.
The good thing about our agency above others is it has a risk protection. Often, if you arrive at the hospital and have paid everything (which is typically required) but the birth mom changes her mind, you are out the money you paid. So, she basically birthed a child for free (and also had her rent and groceries paid for for a few months). Our agency doesn't allow that, so the money we have paid will be returned to us and can be used on the next adoption opportunity if the birthfamily changes their mind at the hospital. It doesn't take away the pain of losing a child you hoped for, but it does make it a possibility to try again (I couldn't imagine paying all of that and then losing out... we wouldn't be able to try again).

All of those people who so flippantly have said "just adopt" to people who have wanted children have no idea how much work, how expensive and how draining it is. You are looked at under a microscope, you give your life savings, you drop everything and get to a hospital who knows where, stay in a hotel room for two weeks or more and at any given time the birth family can change their mind and you lose everything. Then, after all that, you get your baby home and the books they make you read to prepare basically promise you that your child will be messed up because they were adopted and you will never be close and you will be spending the rest of your life in counseling. Now, I know this isn't exactly true, and every adoption and person is different, but it can be difficult to continuously read that because I am infertile and have chosen to still pursue becoming a parent by welcoming a child into my home who might have had a difficult life, I am ruining that child's life because I will never be his or her biological mother. They do this to let you know what *could* happen and to scare off those who just "want a baby", but, for those of us who are serious, it's heartbreaking and yet we trudge on.

So, I'm praying for my future child the way I would a biological child. That they will know Christ, know their worth, know that we love them, display the fruits of the spirit, and selfishly... that they will love me as their mom.

Sorry, a bit of a ramble. I was clobbered by an adoptive mom yesterday who had a bad experience-- not with her daughter, who has a great life and great relationship with her, but other people, and her negativity just brought me down a bit. I'm focusing on the positive, because, really, that's the only way to get through this, I think. Be aware of the negative, but focus on the positive.

purple
01-05-2015, 02:31 PM
Oh my goodness, I didn't know it cost so much...

blythe_ann
01-05-2015, 04:33 PM
purple, me neither! We were sticker shocked! And then when we started adding the "extra expenses"... yikes! To give you an idea-- almost a years wages, or almost the cost of our house (we are a middle class family... maybe a little upper middle class? Depends on where you are). That will mean different amounts to different people, but, gives you an idea of why it's not something we have the funds just sitting around for!
But, we are working hard at it. I am working at getting a third job (music store, lessons and now the movie theater) and all of my paychecks go directly to the "adoption" fund. Every donation goes there, as well. We have ourselves set up on a strict budget, with our known expenses budgeted out (running shoes for me, bike tires for him) and a "one date night a month" policy of a movie and dinner. I'm running my first marathon in June and going to ask for a dollar a mile donations. I plan on hosting an adventure race and soup supper.
The bummer is, as a minimalist, I sold most of our "non essentials" a long time ago, but we are re-purging and selling things we can live without-- DVDs (unless we watch them more often, like Pitch Perfect-- love that movie!), some furniture we don't use often, our small digital camera, I'm considering selling my metal clarinet..
We'll make it work. If we have to eat rice and beans for a few months so baby can have formula, that's the way it is.

Sorry, I'm really chatty about it today, apparently!

I feel very confident about our adoption decision and that makes me want to talk about it more, I guess.

purple
01-06-2015, 11:28 AM
Well when you do your marathon I will certainly sponsor you...
Adoption is a totally different kettle of fish over here...

blythe_ann
01-06-2015, 05:25 PM
That's really sweet of you, purple. Even the thought makes me tear up a bit-- people are so generous, including you! You just focus on feeling better soon!

scarygothgirl
01-07-2015, 03:50 AM
You could set up an internet page for the marathon sponsoring (there are lots of websites for this sort of thing, I've never done it myself but a lot of people I know have). Then you could get people sponsoring you from all over the world.

blythe_ann
01-07-2015, 08:41 AM
^ that was the plan! Waiting until closer to the date to make sure I'm up for it.

blythe_ann
01-12-2015, 03:38 PM
Well, just to keep this thing updated (and keep it in peoples minds, so we keep getting those prayers!)...
we passed our home study officially! She is writing the document this week and sending it off by Friday. It will be looked over and then notarized and sent again in probably two weeks from today. We have finished all of our profile information and are almost done with our video. Which means we will definitely be active really soon!

snooch
01-12-2015, 04:24 PM
Very exciting! I know it's moving quickly, but it really feels like this has been a God-thing since you guys made the decision :)

purple
01-12-2015, 05:52 PM
That is such exciting news Blythe!

GM
01-12-2015, 10:20 PM
It's so fast! CONGRATS!

Virginia
01-12-2015, 10:26 PM
Congrats! How awesome and exciting for you guys!!

blythe_ann
01-12-2015, 11:16 PM
Thanks all.
Snooch- it really has been kind of a God thing, and it's been amazing to watch it unravel (though we are nowhere near the end yet!). I want to tell you one cool story that has been a "God thing" related to this whole thing.
We started our adoption fund by putting a little over half of our savings in that account. We knew it wasn't enough to get us "activated" (about 1/3 of the overall cost, if you include the home study, the "advertising fee", etc). But it was a start.
The day after that account was open my husband's grandma sent a Christmas gift-- a sizable one (almost doubling what we had in the account). So, we had enough to do our home study and some of the initial expenses.
We have one big expense coming up right before we go active (the "advertising fee" that pays for the profile design, etc.). I was sweating it a little bit, because after paying for the home study, we were under the goal budget.
But after sending that Christmas letter, we have gotten JUST enough donations that my next paycheck (this coming week) will be enough to get us activated and have the account remain open. We won't owe anything again until we are chosen by a birth mother. Now, that will be a huge chunk of change, and I don't know how that is going to happen (we are still selling things, I'm still putting all of my paychecks in their, I'm starting my third job in a couple of weeks), but I just have a sense of peace that it will happen.

It's been amazing. It's scary, but exciting at the same time. The best part is I am seeing God in my life again and in huge ways. I don't feel as though I'm being ignored anymore. It feels like God is saying "THIS is why I was silent! THIS is what I wanted!" I'm hoping we're interpreting it right!

purple
01-13-2015, 02:57 AM
I think all signs are pointing to you listening to this right Blythe!
I am so excited for you!

Jesus-is-the-1
01-13-2015, 07:44 AM
How exciting!! I'm so thrilled for you! Continuing to pray! I agree with Purple; I think all signs are pointing to you listening to God!!!

blythe_ann
01-19-2015, 04:58 PM
We are home study approved and just waiting on our profile to be set up to be activated. Very exciting and scary.
I have learned a lot about adoption and have grown a lot from this experience so far. I can't describe how much I love this kid that I don't know yet (or might not even be conceived yet!). Thankful for the birth families decision to make an adoption plan, knowing it's heartbreaking for most of them. Feeling more and more confident every day that I can be a good mother.

sugarplum
02-04-2015, 07:17 AM
I haven't read through the whole thread yet - walking out the door, but I will later today. Just wanted to say, I think it's so awesome you are adopting! My niece is adopted. She is 3, and honest to goodness, we have to be reminded most days. She is 100% ours. We couldn't love that little blond ball of energy more if we tried. If you have questions about their process, let me know!

blythe_ann
02-04-2015, 09:18 AM
welcome back sugarplum :).

Since this popped up again thought I'd update again. We'll be active as soon as our check clears, so probably end of this week.
While I'm super excited, it's kind of one of those "this just got REAL" moments. My mind is going back and forth from elated to horrified. Kind of like all of last year, right before my period would start... the "I could be pregnant" excitement, mixed with the "woah... I could be pregnant" scared. LOL.
But now it's... "I'm going to be a mom at some point!" and "woah, I could be a mom really soon..."which is exciting AND freaky.

blythe_ann
02-09-2015, 11:48 AM
Nothing to update regarding the adoption, other than we are officially active with our agency. They won't call us unless there is a match (so we don't flip out when we see them on our caller ID) and they request we only call with questions, instead of asking for updates on how many times people have seen our profile for the first three months or so, so they have good data.

Emotionally, I'm a bit of a whiny-girl today. I'm fine, really. I'm excited, I'm feeling brave and prepared for the worst.
But I'm also feeling kind of ... lonely? The initial support has kind of worn off (as it should) and now the questions are coming up that are kind of more difficult to answer again and again. Why we aren't trying to have our own anymore, why we chose this particular agency, why we are being open, etc.,etc. It's mostly from caring, curious people and I don't fault them. But without the cloud of support around it, it's grating a bit.
And I don't have a lot of full fledged "support" right now. I do--this is the most supported decision I've ever made and I'm super grateful. It's just hard this time around. The people I rely on-- my mom, my best friend, my husband, it's just different right now.
My mom, Miss Fertility herself with three "whoops" babies, just doesn't "get it". She's supportive and happy to help and is actually allowing me to us my inheritance to pay for what we can't save up. But she can't relate to infertility, and as a nervous person, learning more about adoption has her almost needing my support (she is horrified that I could potentially hold the baby, even take it home, and have him or her taken back soon after birth, she is scared of "open" adoptions, she is scared about the things that "could happen"). It's not her fault at all.
And my best friend is an adoptive mother of two five year old foster children. She can relate really well, but she's a mom of two high risk little kids. I don't blame her for being busy at all! When she was going through her infertility and adoption process, I was able to devote a lot of time and energy to her. And selfishly, I kind of hoped for some in return. Again, it isn't like she can drop everything for me, and I honestly don't expect her to, but I wish I had that.
My husband is still awesome, but we just have different methods of preparation. I have read a dozen books, taken classes, joined forums, doing everything I can to prepare for an infant in our home. He has barely gotten through the required reading. He isn't a "prepare-er". So I sometimes feel alone in the preparations.

Basically, I'm just a selfish-whiner about it. I'm fine, so many amazing people have been so generous with us, so many people have expressed excitement, so many amazing things God has done. And I'm okay with being lonely... I've gone through most life situations with less support than this. So I don't know why I'm a bit "down" today.

Can't wait to be a mom, though.

snooch
02-09-2015, 12:23 PM
I don't blame you a bit for wanting and needing support, especially from those who are closest to you. That doesn't make you whiny - it makes you human! :hug:

Are there any support resources available through the agency? Getting together with like-minded people who have gone through similar experiences could be valuable for you right now.

blythe_ann
02-09-2015, 04:01 PM
Thanks, snooch :).
The agency, because it is so online based, doesn't have a lot of resources. I have been in contact with a few adoptive couples here in town, but they are all at such different stages (often, the ones willing to share with me are the ones with adult children). Our home study provider tried to connect us with a couple who was at the same stage as us in a nearby town... until they backed out suddenly.

I'll be fine, and it's not like what I'm going through is terrible or anything. It would just be nice to have someone who can relate and isn't wrangling little kids!

purple
02-09-2015, 04:26 PM
Thinking of you Blythe... Can I just ask you to expand on the bit about

I could potentially hold the baby, even take it home, and have him or her taken back soon after birth,

If you don't want to, I understand.

snooch
02-09-2015, 07:26 PM
purple, in America, mothers have a period of time (depending on state - a few weeks to a few months) to change their mind about giving a baby up for adoption. I've unfortunately seen it happen where adoptive parents take the baby home and then the birth mother changes her mind. It's tragic and horrible for the adoptive parents.

blythe_ann
02-09-2015, 10:00 PM
^what snooch said. Fortunately, is mostly a few days to a week or two in most states. So, because of interstate laws, we would probably still be in the childs birth state when that decision was made. But, we would have fallen in love by then, so it won't be any easier.
It gets more difficult after that initial time, but birth families can fight the adoption afterwards until finalization, which is 6 months after the child is born.

It has the potential to be... well, devastating. But, it's one of those things that we think is worth the risk. Someday, a child God wants in our home will be here, even if we have to go through some terrible things to get them here.

snooch
02-10-2015, 12:33 AM
That's right. :) God already knows who your child is :)

purple
02-10-2015, 04:26 AM
Thanks for explaining x

purple
02-15-2015, 09:02 AM
I keep meaning to ask! How can we add to your adoption pot? Like sponsorship for the bi-athlon???

blythe_ann
02-15-2015, 04:57 PM
I keep meaning to ask! How can we add to your adoption pot? Like sponsorship for the bi-athlon???

First, it feels really weird answering this question! This is so not something I like doing (asking for money, accepting help...).

Second, as soon as I am in possession of a cute pair of baby sneakers (in the mail as we speak, found some cheap ones on an online thrift store), we are taking a picture for our posters and will use that to go on a gofundme account.

I don't know what is appropriate as far as sharing the link to that here... (snooch?), but I'm thinking I could PM anyone interested in it... or something? I don't know! This is just so weird!

Third, thank you from the bottom of my already overwhelmed heart. It truly is the thought that counts right now and even that you thought to ask means a great deal to me.

blythe_ann
02-15-2015, 05:00 PM
Just another silly update-- I complained about feeling lonely the other day just to have my friend who adopted her two foster children send me some cute baby clothes in the mail and my mom really pull through and get some door prizes for our upcoming race. It's amazing how quickly I can become selfish in this and forget the amazing people in my life almost always come through. I'm truly blessed and the kiddo that ends up in our home will be equally blessed because they get to know these people.

snooch
02-15-2015, 05:04 PM
I don't know what is appropriate as far as sharing the link to that here... (snooch?), but I'm thinking I could PM anyone interested in it... or something? I don't know! This is just so weird!

I think you could post the link in this thread. We usually don't allow things like that, but since this thread is specifically about your adoption process, I think it would be okay to include the link here. :)

blythe_ann
02-22-2015, 06:36 PM
Okay. Big Breath.....

gofundme.com/mv45y4
(gofundme.com/mv45y4)
I will be updating it again when we have more information on our race officially, and when we know more about our adoption process.
This feels really, really weird. PLEASE, Don't feel like expect donations from anyone here. We will get the money rounded up some how, I know God will provide.

Thanks for the emotional support I've been receiving here-- that means more than anything.

blythe_ann
03-02-2015, 07:09 PM
This is a tough day.
We found a "situation" that might work for us. We could look beyond the couple of things that wouldn't match our initial requests.
Don't want to go into details because it's not worth discussing, but because the birth mother has requested a lot of help, her situation was too expensive. We could have really been a big help to these kids and this birth mother. It was a perfect example of why adoption is still so needed in our society.

And when I was sad about it my mom laughed at me. I don't want to be related to her right now.

I'm fine, just a bummer day. Almost feels like a "period started, not pregnant" moment.

snooch
03-03-2015, 12:28 AM
Ugh I'm so sorry. And about your mom's reaction too :(
:hug:

purple
03-03-2015, 04:16 AM
I'm sorry Blythe :(

Your mums reaction sounds really not nice...

Big hugs for me xx

GM
03-03-2015, 09:45 AM
That wasn't nice of your mom. Is she by chance stressed about the adoption?

blythe_ann
03-03-2015, 03:23 PM
Thank you for the support again, ladies.
I'm doing much better today.
One detail of this that got to me-- I realized that this is probably my one shot at being a mother... we can't do this twice. And this particular case was twins. I didn't realize how important or how much I would want multiples until it was an option.

My mom laughed because she doesn't handle emotions well. She said I was being impatient, that I wanted all of my kids all at once. When I told her what I said above (about it being my only shot) she laughed again and said I was being dramatic. When I told her that was the reality and then went into kind of a shocked silence for the rest of the night, I think she realized she hurt my feelings more than she realized.
We talked this morning more and she did much better. Even offered for us to continue with this plan and make our loan bigger with them. However, I did learn, through the conversation, that I think she has some issues with us adopting and just doesn't get it. She is a "fertile mertile" and doesn't understand the deep desire to have children, because she had them without trouble. She doesn't understand how difficult it is for the birth or adoptive families.

It's just going to be a bit more difficult with her. I've learned I just won't share with her until the situation becomes more apparent.

Thanks again, ladies!

blythe_ann
03-07-2015, 06:05 PM
We have our race all started! I'm so excited!

We are doing a 2 mile run/walk and 10K bike (6.1 miles) We're calling it the "Two Feet Duathlon"

Age group winners receive a throw blanket that says "fastest 2 feet"
Mother's Get a red carnation after completing the event (it's on mother's day)
All other women get a pink carnation.
Everyone gets a reusable tote with clip art of baby feet on the bottom corner and the name of the race.
Everyone also gets a colorful pair of athletic socks with a "tattoo" of baby feet on the side.
Every "packet" will also contain a handwritten thank you note from me.

At the end, instead of bagels and bananas like usual, we will be giving out homemade baked goods from some lovely ladies at church.

We have tons of door prizes, from meals for two at local restaurants, coffee drinks for two at a local coffee shop, blizzards from dairy queen, to Omaha Steaks voutures and bike tune up gift cards!

I'm going to borrow a sound system from the store I work at to make the announcements. The local rec center is all on board and will be helping. The kids from our track team will help at corners. We will unofficially time and I will have helpers doing that as well.

So excited!!

The picture we are using for all of our posters is... http://s27.postimg.org/t27jywh5f/ljhkjh.jpg

Ramura
03-08-2015, 02:54 PM
Sounds like it's going to be a BLAST! So excited for you and can't wait to hear about it! :)

purple
03-09-2015, 04:23 AM
Only just catching up with you!

Im glad you were able to talk some more with your mum, I think you are right to put up some different boundaries on what you share and when 😀

It sounds like your mother day race is going to be brilliant, the picture for the poster is super cute and those are some great participant and door prizes!

Praying it will be a huge success, when is Mother's Day for you guys!

blythe_ann
03-09-2015, 09:56 AM
Mother's Day is May 10th. So we've got just a little big of time to get prepared. I'm really excited about it and the feedback thus far has been all positive (of course, no one has signed up yet, but that's okay!). I just hope it's a fun event for everyone.

Virginia
03-10-2015, 11:49 PM
Praying the event goes smoothly!

blythe_ann
03-19-2015, 12:14 PM
So excited-- went to the rec center today to meet a friend and asked about our race with the lady who is helping with it. I had given her 10 registrations. She said she has made copies (10 each) twice already and there is only one left. That means that at least 29 people took an entry form already!

blythe_ann
04-13-2015, 01:14 PM
Thought I would give an update. Mainly because I'm at work and the store is DEAD and I'm alone.

1. Our race. We have only had 3 official registrants so far but many, many registration forms picked up. We have TWO sponsors, so ALL of the proceeds go directly to our adoption fund. We have people donating door prizes and after snacks, we have an insurance company paying for the goodie bags and we have Road ID (An athletic company) taking care of race related expenses like bibs and signs. So hoping it is well attended.

2. Spoke with our social worker and got an update that we have been seen by 17 potential birth mothers (as of a couple of weeks ago). Which is higher than anticipated but apparently still lower than she would care to see.

3. I spent the day Saturday with an adult who was adopted as an infant and she was such an encouragement to me. Her story is exactly how I've been praying my own child's life would turn out regarding adoption.

4. While I'm just happy to no longer be in the TTC phase and waiting has been good for me... sometimes impatience is my battle. Cute pregnant friends having babies, spending time with other kids, seeing a cute kid on the street... little things set it off. I'm not incredibly impatient typically, but the anticipation is almost too much!

snooch
04-13-2015, 01:37 PM
That's to be expected! :hug: It sounds like things are progressing nicely though. So am I understanding that your social worker wasn't being encouraging? You've had more views than she expected you to have, but fewer than she would like to see -- so she wasn't expecting you'd have as many as she'd like?

blythe_ann
04-13-2015, 04:34 PM
That's correct.
I feel like I'm always talking about the money end of the things, but when she was assigned us, her only concern was our lower budget. She said they typically like to show 20-25 potential birthmothers your profile a month, but at our budget, she was expecting more like 2-3 (which still sounded like enough to me... it takes just one!).
We have been active about 2 months and so it averages to around 10 a month we are being shown to, which is still lower than average. She wants us to up our budget by $3000 or so to get our views up.

It feels a lot like a car salesman, though, and we just can't at this time. So, we will wait until the race and we are further along to see what needs done.

blythe_ann
04-13-2015, 04:36 PM
A fun update happened just this morning, though. My husband was working on the production floor at his work today and one of the women pulled him aside to tell him she was a birth mother who chose adoption for her first child. He was really encouraged by her side of the story. She was really pro-adoption, having been adopted herself. It was nice to hear a positive story.

Mrs_B
04-13-2015, 08:06 PM
So exciting to see things working! I pray the event goes off smoothly, and more importantly that the right birth mom chooses you soon. I'm so glad you're able to hear first hand stories of both adoptees and mothers who have chosen adoption. :)

blythe_ann
04-28-2015, 01:58 PM
Well, even though the event is giving me gray hairs with the lack of committed participants, I'm still really looking forward to it. We have some great stuff planned, some great volunteers, and I think the people who do attend will have a great time. I wrote a speech to give at the end that I'm already practicing so I don't blubber my way through it. I have never been on the "receiving end" so much in my life, and it's humbling and emotional for me.

No other updates regarding our adoption. Just thought I'd update here that we're still excited about our race, even though numbers are officially low. However, if everyone signs up that says they are going to, we are looking at 45 people or so now, which is great!

blythe_ann
04-28-2015, 10:42 PM
Thank you my "anonymous" donor of the day-- I know it was one of you, but because I don't know real names for most of you, I don't know who of you it was (and if you want me to know, I would love to thank you personally).

You all are awesome-- for your support and kindness to me. I am giving you all a virtual hug!

blythe_ann
05-01-2015, 12:01 PM
Well, our numbers are coming up! With the last family, 17 officially signed up, but I'm guessing about 25 will participate (the goal was 30, so I'm okay with that).
I'm totally jealous of our participants though, as our door prizes donors have gone above and beyond for us. A local restaurant that everyone loves, I asked for just a small gift card so someone could get a "little" off of their meal. She gave us $50! And the movie theater, I asked for 2 movie tickets so the winner could take a date to a movie. She gave an annual pass (unlimited movies for a year!!!).

... I wonder if they would notice if I took the annual pass?

KIDDING, but man, these are great prizes!

It's going to be a fun event. I'm already getting totally excited. I'm exhausted and stressed out, but excited anyway.

blythe_ann
05-07-2015, 08:58 PM
Bags are packed for 26 participants. Have a few possible same day entrants. Pictures will follow on Monday.

snooch
05-07-2015, 10:23 PM
I hope it goes great!

blythe_ann
05-10-2015, 09:55 PM
It was cold and windy today, but we had our race!
32 participants signed up, 23 braved the weather. We had the most amazing group of volunteers and door prize donations. One volunteer made her famous cinnamon rolls, which gave us extra donations because they were so good racers were buying the leftovers. We had one girl whose bike tire bent and got ruined, so she walked back to the start, grabbed her sisters bike and finished the race.
It was so cold I couldn't give my full speech, but I did start crying a bit when I saw that group of people lined up in the freezing cold to run and bike just for us. Almost every one paid more than what was required.
Afterwards, we gave door prizes and everyone had a good time.

We raised almost $1000. It was... remarkable. We're going to be able to up our budget, which might mean we are able to be shown to more birthmothers. Which means maybe being chosen sooner.

It was a great day. I'm exhausted.

Virginia
05-10-2015, 10:32 PM
Such an amazing update, Blythe! So happy for you guys. How awesome to see an outpouring of love from your community.

snooch
05-10-2015, 10:52 PM
Wonderful! I'm so glad to hear this!

blythe_ann
05-11-2015, 12:56 PM
Such an amazing update, Blythe! So happy for you guys. How awesome to see an outpouring of love from your community.

It really was amazing. The girl who finished the race on her sisters bike, her family isn't athletic in the slightest. I give her and her siblings clarinet lessons. So to see her determined to finish this race... to do it in the first place, just for me, was so humbling. We had a few strangers there, but they were probably the most excited about donating to our "cause".
My only regret is that I didn't say thank you more, but I feel like it was all I said all day. It was really an amazing day.
When I spoke to our local rec center this morning, they were blown away by the proceeds. No race, it's first time out, has ever had that great of a sign up and made money like ours did.

I will post pictures when I get them. I didn't even think to bring out my camera the whole time, but luckily some people were thinking and took some phone shots. I should be getting them in the next day or two.

blythe_ann
05-25-2015, 08:32 PM
So... I'm going to sound like a total brat.
We went to my sister-in-laws wedding. It was beautiful, she was lovely. She has always been my favorite in-law, and I consider her my sister.
But the rest of the family... it was just a tough weekend.
It has always been awkward with my in-laws. You know, just not fitting in, the typical in-law thing.
And I know this weekend was about her wedding. No one knows that more than me. I was all about her day.
But, not a single mention of our adoption by anyone, except one comment from my father-in-law (watching my nephews play... "someday you will have one of those"... to which my husband said "yeah, hopefully soon a birthmom will pick us"... "or you'll have one of your own". I don't think he understands the whole infertility thing).
No one mentioned it. Not once.

People on here, people from college that I barely knew, friends, the people who came to our race, the stranger at the post office, the cards we got, the encouraging letters and emails and the prayers I know people are sending for us. The baby clothes my best friend sent.

These people care about us.

Our family? Not even a mention. No notes of encouragement, no questions, no support of any kind. And a quick conversation with our father-in-law about sometimes there are easy fixes for these kinds of things.

Just... sucks.

Jesus-is-the-1
05-25-2015, 09:19 PM
I don't think you sound like a brat at all. I'm sorry they aren't supportive. I would be very hurt, too. My family says really insensitive things to me about not being married and not having kids at my age. It makes it tough being around them. I pray you have awesome friends that can be your support system! Sounds like you live in a great community! I'll continue to pray for you, your husband, and the child(ren) you are going to adopt!

snooch
05-25-2015, 09:35 PM
^^ What she said :)
:hug:

purple
05-26-2015, 04:46 AM
Just catching up on this Blythe as the race happened while we were away and we had really limited internet connection.
I'm so pleased for you that the race went well and what an amazing story about the girl who went back and got another bike. You are obviously well loved and respected in your community...

And you know what, when it comes to your family... try to put it to the back of your mind, I know it's hard but focus on those that DO care, who DO love you, and DO encourage you and understand and support.

jgonz
05-28-2015, 02:18 PM
I just saw all of this because I haven't been here in awhile. I'm praying for you Blythe! You are going to be a great mom. :)

(Oh, and parents & relatives say the dumbest things no matter what your situation, so please don't take it personally. For me, I had -too many- kids, so got obnoxious comments often. *rolleyes*)

blythe_ann
05-28-2015, 03:38 PM
Thanks for the encouragement ladies :).
It's just another example of why my child will have "family" in my boss, my friend, the people who are supportive. Ha, when I'm on here I can tell my kid I'm talking to his or her "CG Aunts".

... I also have to admit, now that my sister-in-laws wedding is over (it was the one thing I just couldn't miss this year), my patience is thinning. I'm 85% okay with waiting at this point. :)...

blythe_ann
06-24-2015, 04:47 PM
Just thought I'd pop in to update everyone by saying there is nothing to update :).
We are being shown to an "adequate" amount of mothers and we're just waiting to be chosen. We had a local situation come to our attention on Father's Day (which might be a super awesome story to tell our child, or it was a dirty trick), but haven't heard anything more about it.
We are just ready. I'm not jealous of other moms, I'm not sad when others get pregnant anymore. I just feel impatient.
Work is dead this time of year, all of my organizations take the summer off, I'm kind of useless right now. I keep having vivid dreams about babies. I'm just ready!

blythe_ann
07-18-2015, 03:32 PM
I kind of wanted this thread to die out until I could reveal some good news and announce that I was a mom, but I have some major feelings going on right now and no one other than my husband (who can only just agree with me) to vent them to.
While the majority of our culture tends to view adoption as a "good thing", there are definitely those pockets who are vehemently opposed. There are the "angry adult adoptees" who are fighting the current and previous adoption system, which, granted, is flawed. I think it's ridiculous, too, that my child's original birth certificate will be sealed, even if I'm right there at birth and everyone wants an open adoption. There are definitely problems with the current rules and regulations of adoption, from all sides. While the angry adult adoptees sometimes can become so passionate that they come across as callous, and sometimes they go so far as to say terrible things regarding their adoptive or birth parents, for the most part, they don't bother me.

It's the ignorant people who have no education on adoption but have strong opinions that get to me. A young lady I know, who didn't realize we are adopting, got to talking about her opinion on abortion and how she is pro choice because she doesn't believe in adoption. She went on and on about how she wouldn't trust a couple who won't adopt from foster care but will sit around and wait for their perfect baby. She went on about how foster care really is the absolute best thing in the world and how any other form of parenting (yes, any form, apparently having biological children is also bad) is selfish and wrong.

Foster care definitely has it's merit and when done with the right intentions, is a noble and difficult calling to undertake. My best friend is the adoptive mother of two foster care children and has been through hell to get them and is still struggling with them. I don't think the world realizes that foster children, while innocent in regards to what has happened to them, have side effects from living in traumatic environments and having a traumatic experience of being taken away from their birth families. Fostering requires a lot of education and understanding of both children in general and children who have suffered a trauma. Even if you think you are prepared for that, it can be extremely hard. RAD (reactive attachment disorder) is a real, and horrifying thing.
Fostering takes a special kind of dedication and the right person. Yes, sometimes the kids are easier than others, just like any other family dynamic, and eventually things may settle down.
Fostering parents have my respect and what they do is so, so, incredibly important and we as a country could use more people willing to take it on.

But I am not selfish for deciding that the first child we have in our home should be an infant. Why did we decide infant over foster?

Because if the adoption from infant system is broken, the foster care system (at least in this state) is in complete shambles. Foster care is first and foremost temporary custody because the state truly works on reconciling birth families... which sounds wonderful and in some cases is, but often times leads these children right back to a bad situation and back out again, never having a solid foundation. The foster families make temporary connections with a lot of children. If you are fortunate enough to adopt from the foster care system, there are hoops upon hoops upon flaming hoops to get to that point, and there is so little support as far as education and understanding the legal process.

Because I don't have a background in trauma and don't have a lot of experience with kids. If I were handed a 5 year old, I wouldn't know if a behavior was because the child was 5 or because they experienced trauma, and not dealing with these behaviors appropriately could result in major, huge, life altering problems for that child and it would be my fault for not being educated enough to know the difference.

Because while losing your biological family at birth is a trauma in and of itself, we want to give our child a chance of a life with as little trauma as possible. We want to give our child the opportunity to grow in a stable environment, to build trust, to do all of the important things in those first few years of life that lead to a healthy mental and relational life. We want to provide that. We also want to be available for a woman who, for whatever reason, doesn't want to or cannot raise a child on her own and has shown great wisdom and selflessness in understanding that she can't. We want to give her an option other than ending that precious life inside of her.

And yes, I want a baby. I want to experience holding my child when they are small, I want to smell the new baby smell, I want to change diapers and snuggle and love on a baby just as much as I want to chase a toddler, just as much as I want to teach a young child to ride a bike, just as much as I want to schlep my kids around to soccer practice and watch them go to junior prom. I want to be there for all of those things, because that's what mom's want to do with their children. We want to be there to watch our kids grow and I don't want to miss a second of it.

So, girl who thinks I'm being selfish for adopting an infant, you are right. I am selfish because I want to be a mom, which is probably the most selfless job on the planet. I am selfish because I want to give my child the best start I can under terrible circumstances. I am selfish because I understand that I am not educated, prepared, or comfortable with parenting an older child. Maybe, when my child is grown up and I know what 5 year olds are like, I'll look more seriously into foster care.

Sorry to unload this all on you ladies. It just really struck a nerve and I have been weepy about it all day. While I logically know she is just ignorant of the adoption system and what people really think (and she's right, there are "rich white families just waiting around for a perfect baby"), it hurts that there are people who would say such terrible things about a decision we've made in the depths of our souls.

Virginia
07-18-2015, 04:08 PM
Because while losing your biological family at birth is a trauma in and of itself, we want to give our child a chance of a life with as little trauma as possible. We want to give our child the opportunity to grow in a stable environment, to build trust, to do all of the important things in those first few years of life that lead to a healthy mental and relational life. We want to provide that. We also want to be available for a woman who, for whatever reason, doesn't want to or cannot raise a child on her own and has shown great wisdom and selflessness in understanding that she can't. We want to give her an option other than ending that precious life inside of her.

And yes, I want a baby. I want to experience holding my child when they are small, I want to smell the new baby smell, I want to change diapers and snuggle and love on a baby just as much as I want to chase a toddler, just as much as I want to teach a young child to ride a bike, just as much as I want to schlep my kids around to soccer practice and watch them go to junior prom. I want to be there for all of those things, because that's what mom's want to do with their children. We want to be there to watch our kids grow and I don't want to miss a second of it.

This is so beautifully said. Your future child/children are so blessed to have such a loving, kind, passionate, godly mother. I'm sorry that ignorant people are spewing nonsense.

snooch
07-18-2015, 04:48 PM
The person who said that to you - and who feels as she does - is truly showing her ignorance. There are many newborn babies who need parents. There are many parents who want newborn babies. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

My response would be along the lines of, "So you would tell a newborn that you are against her being adopted and she should go into the foster system instead? I don't even know what to say to that....."

blythe_ann
07-18-2015, 06:34 PM
My response to her wasn't quite as impassioned, as I had a little time to sort my thoughts and put words to them before I posted here. She had her rant, I was silent, and then when she was done, I responded, "we are currently active with an adoption agency, adopting an infant." Then I made an excuse to leave and left. I think her jaw was still on the floor when I left.

Thank you for the encouragement, ladies. I just take things really personally sometimes, so thanks for letting me vent a bit :).

snooch
07-18-2015, 07:30 PM
I don't blame you for taking that personally. You have probably given her a lesson in thinking before she speaks, and knowing her audience before spouting her opinion.

purple
07-20-2015, 02:00 PM
Why people can't keep their noses out of other peoples business I do not know.

This is your life your choice. There are babies who need parents and you want to be and are willing to be one of those parents!

I would have taken it personally as well!

Jesus-is-the-1
09-05-2015, 08:44 AM
You and your husband have popped in my head several times lately. How are things going? How are you doing? I work for a pregnancy care center and we often talk/meet couples on adoption journeys and it seems to bring my thoughts to you. Continuing to pray for you!

blythe_ann
09-05-2015, 11:30 AM
Thanks for thinking of us!
We are in the waiting stage with no news yet. We are being shown to a good amount of women with potential adoption plans, which is great (lots of exposure) and terrible (lots of rejection). We had one unique situation where we were contacted outside of the agency and were aware that we were one of two families being considered. She chose the other family, obviously, and the birthday of her daughter in August was probably the hardest day of the adoption process so far, knowing we were so close. But, at the same time, we were happy for the baby girl going into another loving families arms knowing she'll be cared for and happy for that family who had been waiting just like us.
We renew our homestudy in December if we haven't been chosen by then. It's another round of background checks, fingerprints, house visits, etc.

I'm doing okay. It's harder some days than others but we try to just keep our prayers on our future son or daughter, that it would be what's best for them, no matter how hard for us. But I can't deny there are days when I'm tired of waiting, jealous of others and wishing something would happen. My husband is struggling more and more as time goes on, too.

Thank you for asking for an update, that was very sweet. With the newness worn off, we don't have a lot of people actively interested in how things are going.

purple
09-05-2015, 02:09 PM
I thought of you earlier when we were discussing a charity which is trying to place unaccompanied Syrian children with families. I know that is not what you are wanting but it brought you to my mind so I was glad to see an update of where you are at.

blythe_ann
09-05-2015, 03:37 PM
Purple, we have prayed about the Syrian children and had strongly considered it but with more research, even though it seems on the surface a beautiful way to give those children a life, there is so much corruption in certain types of international adoption, especially during crisis times, which is awful but true. There are many children stolen from their families in a confusing moment (going through borders or other people packed areas), there isn't proper consideration of living relatives that may want to raise the child, or sometimes it's a matter of a child being temporarily displaced but becoming permanently displaced when an organization with good intentions facilitates and adoption.
Because of that, the culture shock our child would have to endure (language, etc.), and the enormous trauma these children have already experienced, we have decided to keep on our current path.

blythe_ann
10-27-2015, 03:01 PM
Well, it's as official as it can get at this point... we are going to be parents!
We got the initial call on Friday afternoon, when a birth parent specialist asked us if we would be willing to have a phone conversation with a woman considering us the parent her child-- she wanted the call to confirm her feelings.
Through a series of emails and phone calls over the weekend, we arranged a call with her on Monday afternoon.

We spoke, she loved us, she seems really sweet and down to earth. We signed all the paperwork and sent off the money right after the phone call!

We are very excited, but we are hesitant to become to attached to this idea, as adoptions in our agency have an 85% completion rate, which leaves 15% disrupted (mom changes her mind at some point, in our case, up to 10 days after birth). Since we have been on the negative side of the statistics for so long, we are hopeful but not diving head first quite yet. She seems convinced now, but when she holds that baby after birth, who knows what will change. And honestly, if that is the case, we believe that with hard work she could parent the child and we would be sad (even heartbroken), but happy for her and the baby anyway.

We won't share a lot of details, out of respect for her and her decision and also so our child knows the story before others do (so we don't have random people telling them bits of their story).

What I can share is...

We have a bi-racial (Caucasian and African American or Hispanic) son coming in February, being born in Michigan! Due to Michigan state laws, we will be staying their for two weeks or more as red tape clears, and she has a 10 day period to sign and/or revoke her signature on release documents. We feel that it is a good situation for adoption. At this time, we will be a part of the birth and everything.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Just know that certain things I can't answer legally or we have decided to keep confidential.

Thank you ladies, for the prayers, for the financial support, for the love and support when I needed it. It's far from over, as adoption lasts a lifetime and we aren't in the clear with this situation yet, but it is a step forward and a big one at that!

snooch
10-27-2015, 03:10 PM
Blythe, I'm so happy and excited for you!!! You must be over the moon!! :D

katzankatz
10-27-2015, 05:32 PM
:):):):)

Virginia
10-28-2015, 12:16 AM
Oh, what great news!!!! So thrilled for you and your husband. So truly, truly, thrilled. What a blessing! I hope you will continue to update us as much as you can. I'm excited to follow your journey.

GM
10-28-2015, 12:48 AM
Yay! !!!

Manna
10-28-2015, 03:08 AM
Wow!!! How exciting! SO happy for you!

BelovedDaughter
10-28-2015, 02:50 PM
So excited for you, Blythe!!!

blythe_ann
10-28-2015, 03:08 PM
Thank you, ladies! We'll see how this ends :).

blythe_ann
10-30-2015, 12:34 PM
Just looked at the "thank you" on my announcement post. Wow, so many names on there :). Thanks again, ladies.

Sage
10-30-2015, 04:21 PM
So happy for you! Do you have a name picked out?

katzankatz
10-30-2015, 05:39 PM
I was wondering the same thing. ^

GM
10-30-2015, 09:24 PM
I have questions...but will wait until feb😆

Jesus-is-the-1
10-31-2015, 01:13 PM
Oh, how wonderful!! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you and your husband!!

blythe_ann
10-31-2015, 05:31 PM
Name... we do have a name! I would love to share it with you (and I will soon). We are getting to know his mother a little more and would like her to have input on the name, so we will bring that up through the course of conversation and see where the name lands :). She may not like the name we picked out, so we are trying not to get too attached (though, we decided on this name when I was a sophomore in high school, so it'll be a little hard to let go of!).
I promise to answer as soon as we know, though :).

Xinnamon
10-31-2015, 06:16 PM
So excited for you!!!

tiredwalker
11-01-2015, 11:52 PM
Oh my goodness! Yay! Congratulations!

mum2only1
11-02-2015, 06:10 AM
Wow!!! This is so so exciting!!!!! I can't wait to know the name.

blythe_ann
11-24-2015, 07:44 PM
Just thought I would update you all on our situation.
We've been talking to the mother of our potential son via text on an almost daily basis. We have named him with her (no name will be shared until it's official), discussed his education and have learned about her hobbies and interestsas well as sharing some of our own.
For a while I was growing concerned that adoption wasn't the best option for this child. She seemed so mature and put together in our text message conversations, but they are carefully worded on both ends as to not ask the wrong thing or say something that will jeopardize the relationship.
The reasons for the adoption, beyond the obvious ones that others might point out, have peaked through here and there.
She is a person. Not a devil for "giving up" her child and not a saint for giving me the chance at parenthood. She is a person with a lot of drama and things I have never had to deal with that make adoption seem like the best option. She has made choices I would never have thought of making.

A few scary things were discussed that we didn't know about initially. We talked to our attorney in her area today. She has another potential birth father and he has Native American heritage, which can be a major problem in the adoption world (the tribe can take custody).

So it is still very uncertain, but we are okay. We have a lot of prayers going up on our behalf and my prayer has just been that this little boy ends up in the right home, whichever that might be.

snooch
11-24-2015, 08:33 PM
Thanks for the update! I've heard about the Native American issue with adoption before - I believe I saw a story about it on an episode of a news magazine a few years ago. I really hope you can get through this without having to face those hurdles! :hug:

purple
11-25-2015, 08:05 PM
Well, it's as official as it can get at this point... we are going to be parents!

Oh my gosh blythe, I've only just seen this!

I'm SO happy for you!

GM
11-25-2015, 10:40 PM
You seen to be handling the p r ocess well! Hopefully we'll be celebrating with you in a few months

blythe_ann
12-04-2015, 03:30 PM
An update and a prayer request I suppose.
We will be meeting her and some of her family next weekend! We have a flight coming in next Friday night (week from today), and leaving that Sunday morning. On Saturday, we will be having lunch with her and family members and hopefully touring the hospital afterwards. We are also hoping to meet the lady we will be staying with and possibly our attorney.

It's not that scary unless you listen to what the agency warns us about. She might not show up to our lunch-- which would suck, because this trip cost a ton of money we don't have but we wanted to do it for her and for our son. She also might ask for money-- something we can't do legally but might change her mind. Or she might not like us and take back her choice.

I don't think any of these are strong possibilities, really, but it's always good to have some extra prayers.

We are looking forward to meeting her. She has agreed to pictures while we are there, so I'm hoping to have those for our son and I hope to write down her mannerisms, etc., for him as well.

snooch
12-04-2015, 03:58 PM
I can see why this would be scary - but it sounds like an amazing opportunity. Praying it goes well!

purple
12-05-2015, 09:00 AM
Praying this is a really positive time x

Jesus-is-the-1
12-05-2015, 06:42 PM
Praying!!

tiredwalker
12-07-2015, 12:30 PM
Praying for you!

GM
12-11-2015, 11:31 AM
Hope your trip goes well!

felinity
12-11-2015, 05:07 PM
Praying for your trip this weekend!

Virginia
12-11-2015, 08:09 PM
Praying for you guys!!!!!

snooch
12-11-2015, 08:45 PM
Praying for the weekend - can't wait to hear how it goes!

blythe_ann
12-13-2015, 05:45 PM
We are back! I had to take a shower and love on my dogs for a couple of hours before I felt like getting online and talking about it. This is the first place I'm stopping to update :).

That was the most overwhelming, full of emotion and full of important things day I've ever had in my life. We arrived in Detroit on Friday night and met with our attorney and our future hostess (she is letting us stay in her house FOR FREE when the baby is born... she is a member of an organization I am also a member of).
The very first thing we discovered scared us to death. We had heard that there was a potential second and third birth fathers, but the more realistic second one has Native American heritage. The first attorney told us it makes things "difficult" which scared us. But this one said it was impossible... illegal to do in Michigan. So...
Anyway, the next day we met our girl at the hospital for the tour and then went to lunch. Amazingly, she let us go to her parents home and a friends home as well to meet everyone.

Some highlights-- meeting her, of course.
She gave us the ultrasound pictures. I started crying.
She was very concerned that we knew she wasn't going to change her mind.
She is offering to pump breast milk for baby for the first year and freeze it/ mail it to us. This is probably the biggest blessing she could give our collective son.
She feels more confident because we visited.

Cons
While in many ways she is mature, selfless, amazing (she is giving me the gift of a family, or at least hope for that) , there were things we had no idea about her.
She is a bit of a story teller and dramatic.
She lives in such a poverty mindset it was sometimes scary to see her response to things and her families response to things.
We didn't get to meet the big sister or the boyfriend.


The three major things that didn't hit me until later and had me staring at the ceiling were;
the tour guide at the hospital focused 100% on her, which is good as she is the mother. However, the hospital has a really strong baby stays with mom policy, which is great under normal circumstances, but I have a feeling will be a struggle for us all. She is determined that we be the first to hold the baby and she wants to wait a while before she even sees him for fear of changing her mind.
I had adopters guilt for a while (feeling as though I am simply buying a baby from someone less fortunate and worrying that it wasn't a good enough reason). Until I saw her life and realized that he might not be cared for where he is at. It was a confirmation to me that this is the right thing, something I had worried about.
And third, she talked about how amazing pregnancy was while smoking a cigarette and drinking a coke. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to judge her these decisions because they are two addictions that are hard to break, but I gotta tell you, standing there, having my period of all things, watching the mother of my child talk about how awesome it is to carry that baby... it was really hard. I mean, if she wasn't pregnant, I might not become a mom. But, if I were pregnant, I wouldn't be caught dead doing anything to harm that baby. She talked about the movement in her stomach, etc. Which is an amazing thing that I think is such a blessing to moms and I don't want to diminish it but it was just hard to hear knowing I will never experience that with my own son. She gets that part of him. Just...you know.

Anyway, it was just an emotionally draining trip with a lot of highs and lows and nerves. we had to leave for the airport at 4 AM which is 2 AM our time this morning so I am also physically exhausted. And we have a Christmas party to go to tonight.

But, it was a blessing. We took tons of pictures of the hospital, of her, of her home, things to remember the trip by. I wrote the entire two hours their and two hours back on the airplane. I detailed everything from what she wore to how she held her hands while she ate. I want to give him all of his history that I can.

snooch
12-13-2015, 06:12 PM
That sounds like a really amazing trip :) How are you feeling about everything now that you've visited? Are you more confident? Do you know how the Native American aspect is going to be resolved?

blythe_ann
12-13-2015, 06:17 PM
Like I said, I'm feeling better about the adoption guilt thing-- seriously, her circumstances are not good for a baby. But I don't feel more confident. I won't until after the birth... I mean, how will she know how she is going to feel until she is looking at that baby? I wouldn't blame her if she reconsidered everything in that moment.

They are tracking down that birth father and if he has a chance there will be a blood test at birth. If he is, he has the option of raising or the tribe gets him if she doesn't want to parent. So we're out of luck if he is the father.

blythe_ann
01-06-2016, 12:38 PM
Don't mean to freak anyone out if they are following this-- no baby yet! I'm 35 weeks today and not showing at all ;).

Heard some bad news yesterday-- the mother of our potential son has an STD that may impact our child. From my research, potentially problems at birth including pneumonia or eye infections (poor kid!!).

We are still cautiously optimistic about our circumstances and are already looking a little bit into what our family will look like after his adoption becomes official. Statistics show that adopted children thrive with other adopted children in the home and we do want more than one if possible so we are thinking of keeping our home study open one more year if we can. We'll see how the first one turns out and we'll have 6 months after his birth to decide :).

Anyway, I'll keep you ladies posted as the time draws near.

snooch
01-06-2016, 06:52 PM
It's getting so close now Blythe! Praying that all goes well and that the baby isn't affected by the STD!

blythe_ann
01-07-2016, 03:01 AM
Closer than we thought. We are headed to the airport in just a minute. If you happen to be here, please, please pray that we make it to the birth of our son. Her water broke already but she isn't having contractions. I'll be in touch.

Thanks ladies!

tiredwalker
01-07-2016, 08:16 AM
Praying, praying, praying!!!

Mrs_B
01-07-2016, 08:23 AM
Praying!!!!!!

snooch
01-07-2016, 09:25 AM
Oh wow!! Praying right now!!

BelovedDaughter
01-07-2016, 10:48 AM
Praying!

Christina
01-07-2016, 12:10 PM
Wow, so exciting, so scary, so many emotions for you at once I'm sure!!! Praying!!!

GM
01-07-2016, 05:29 PM
Praying

blythe_ann
01-08-2016, 07:38 AM
There had been a baby boy born and we got to be there. More details as things become more definite. But right now, we have a son.

snooch
01-08-2016, 10:52 AM
Blythe!!! So happy for you!! <3 <3 <3

Manna
01-08-2016, 08:51 PM
This is so exciting!!! Praying for your family!

Ramura
01-08-2016, 10:36 PM
Whoa, just seeing this! So awesome, Blythe. Hope you all are doing well! Cheering you on!

Christina
01-08-2016, 11:40 PM
Wow!!! That is so wonderful!!!! Praising God for the birth of this baby boy and praying for you as you take the next steps.

blythe_ann
01-09-2016, 02:01 PM
We are hoping to leave the hospital today! He was 4 lbs 14 ozs, 18 inches long, 35 weeks gestation. He's a preemie but a cutie and we kinda like him :). Super tired (not his fault), and ready to leave!

snooch
01-09-2016, 02:46 PM
We are hoping to leave the hospital today! He was 4 lbs 14 ozs, 18 inches long, 35 weeks gestation. He's a preemie but a cutie and we kinda like him :). Super tired (not his fault), and ready to leave!

As a former preemie, I can attest to the adorableness of preemies :D. Are you staying in town there, or flying home with him? I think I remembered you saying something about a two week stay but I don't remember now if that was for his birth or something else.

Mrs_B
01-09-2016, 06:01 PM
How wonderful! Praying for you all!!

tiredwalker
01-09-2016, 07:38 PM
Congratulations! This is so wonderful!!!!!

blythe_ann
01-10-2016, 08:35 AM
Just checking in to ask that you would all continue to pray that his birth mother continues in her decision. She has realized she controls us for the next few days and when we have to say no (like when she wants to see baby late at night in the home we are staying at) we worry, with her personality, she might stir the pot or do something big. While she still seems agreeable now, I worry a lot about losing my son because I have to set boundaries for us.

snooch
01-10-2016, 09:11 AM
Praying Blythe! :hug:

Mrs_B
01-10-2016, 10:03 AM
I will continue to pray!

katzankatz
01-10-2016, 10:57 AM
Prayers

tiredwalker
01-10-2016, 08:39 PM
Praying for a quick and smooth transition .

blythe_ann
01-11-2016, 11:17 PM
She signed the relinquishment forms today, but still has 5 business days to revoke. Loving our little man, though! He is the coolest kid I've ever met and we can't stop holding him!

purple
01-12-2016, 04:03 AM
Just catching up on everything!

Congratulations Blythe! I'm so happy for you!

Praying the next 5 days go without incident xx

BelovedDaughter
01-12-2016, 10:18 AM
Praying for you guys! I'm thrilled for you! I also hope the next days go smoothly and you get to come home with your son!!! <3

snooch
01-12-2016, 11:40 AM
I'm so happy for you!!

Jesus-is-the-1
01-16-2016, 09:59 AM
Just seeing this now!! Congratulations on your baby boy!!! Praying!!

GM
01-17-2016, 09:58 AM
How much longer before you can travel home?

Gillian
01-17-2016, 01:35 PM
Blythe,

Praying that everything will work out for you in the Lord's time.

Blessings to you, your husband and your little one.

Gillian

blythe_ann
01-17-2016, 01:37 PM
Unknown, but we are rooting for Thursday. Our documents have to pass through ICPC (Basically a government office that checks all of the documents to make sure the adoption is legit and has followed the rules in the concerned states) in both Michigan and Nebraska. It has passed both the local and state level in Michigan and was over nighted to Nebraska on Friday. On any other week, they would get it Monday morning, but MLK Jr. Day is Monday, so they probably won't see it until Tuesday. It will take them one or two days to make sure everything is in order and then it will be over nighted back to Michigan. As soon as it arrives on our attorney's desk, we are clear to go home. If Nebraska works quickly, that means we may get the "all clear" call on Wednesday, which means we will probably leave here Thursday morning.

Our birth mother still has until Tuesday at the end of the business day to change her mind, so that is actually our main concern at the moment. We will have a huge sigh of relief when that time has passed! As soon as that time has passed, the only things standing in our way are red tape and paperwork, both of which are doable and rarely cause problems for adoptive families (unless something from their past is dug up, but we don't have anything to dig up so it's all good!).

Once her revocation period has ended we will be sharing his name. Just realized we can't share full on pictures for a while until the adoption is finalized (6 months after birth) because we are technically foster parents until then. He won't even have a social security number or birth certificate until then. Crazy.

So, short answer-- hopefully Thursday!

tiredwalker
01-17-2016, 02:56 PM
Praying.Praying.Praying!

Melissa1208
01-17-2016, 09:42 PM
Wow I had no idea about the pictures and all of that.

blythe_ann
01-18-2016, 04:29 AM
Need prayers please! My husband just started stomach flu stuff right after his shift with the baby (we've been splitting up nights). Since our baby isn't breast fed (out of my control),I'm really worried. I'm on my period, lacking some sleep and in a stressful situation so my immunity is probably shot (though I'm eating healthy and exercising).

I am in Detroit, and from a small town. Having to drive baby toa hospital would be horrifying. Having a sick baby this young would be horrifying. Knowing I'm on my own with the newborn baby right now is horrifying.

Please pray! We don't need this right now!

Mrs_B
01-18-2016, 05:35 AM
Praying!!

Melissa1208
01-18-2016, 08:38 AM
Oh no :( Is it just a stomach flu or also respiratory symptoms?

katzankatz
01-18-2016, 10:11 AM
Paying for everyone's health.

blythe_ann
01-18-2016, 10:38 AM
Just stomach and I think he's on the mend... weak from a rough night. Little man is still eating and no fever or vomit (yay! ) but his stools are more frequent. I'll take a million bad diapers to anything else though!

Melissa1208
01-18-2016, 03:45 PM
You will probably be in the clear if you can get through 24 hours from the time of exposure without him getting sick. did your husband have a fever?

tiredwalker
01-18-2016, 04:41 PM
I wonder if it was a bit of bad food and not a bug. I hope! The worry is so awful! I'm praying for your little guy's health and protection. Our third came home from the hospital with a cold (after her 2 yr old sister sneezed on her face while meeting her). I was terrified something awful would happen. The nurse kindly said, "Newborns are allowed to get sick too. Keep a watch for fevers and make sure she has tears and pee and all will be fine." It was. Just watch him for fever and make sure he can pee and make tears. Big hugs to you!

blythe_ann
01-18-2016, 05:24 PM
thanks, ladies. I'm feeling better about it now that it has been most of the day. And my husband feels good enough now that he actually went to buy himself soup. Which means if something does happen, he can drive. Which is a huge relief to me. And baby has had a good temperature, is still eating and peeing well (we've never noticed tears on him, ever, so I didn't look for that indicator). But I'm thinking (fingers crossed) that we missed it. Me included, which is good.

This just wore me out, though. Enough stress right now to have to worry about that, too. I just want to go home!!

Virginia
01-18-2016, 10:11 PM
Praying for you, your DH, and your sweet little one, Blythe!

Christina
01-18-2016, 10:41 PM
Prayers for you!!! Only one more day and he's yours (according to the state, but of course, he's already yours :) !!! Praying your hubby is well and that it was just a 24 hour bug!

blythe_ann
01-19-2016, 10:08 AM
Thanks again for all the prayers, ladies. I am going to try to keep myself busy today so I don't worry about the time, but 7 hours from now we can take a breath. My husband is on the mend and I got a run in this morning, so all is well with the world... though I would really rather be at home.

blythe_ann
01-19-2016, 06:45 PM
The revocation period is OVER. The biggest hurtle is DONE. My husband is celebrating by venturing out to buy more diapers and we'll have soup for dinner, lol.

But because the major hurtle is out of the way and the only remaining thing is a returned signed document before we can go home, I thought I would share his name.

Josiah Samuel. We presented the first name and she chose the second. He is already being nicknamed "little Si".

Mrs_B
01-19-2016, 07:22 PM
Love his name!! I'm glad the first hurdle has been crossed, now I will be praying for the next few days to go smoothly!

Virginia
01-19-2016, 07:39 PM
This is the best update ever! And his name is perfect. Absolutely perfect. Remember how Hannah prayed for Samuel in the Old Testament? What a fitting name!

snooch
01-19-2016, 08:02 PM
Wooooohooooo!!! Congratulations!! :D

And I just love that name. It's beautiful and fitting!

Christina
01-19-2016, 08:57 PM
Yeah!!! I signed on just to get this update and I am SO HAPPY for you!! Congratulations!

And I LOVE his name. It is so meaningful. Congratulations again and continued prayers for your trip home and for everything else to go smoothly!

GM
01-19-2016, 10:24 PM
Yay! !!! Awesome!

Manna
01-19-2016, 10:55 PM
What a perfect name!

So happy for your sweet family of three!

BelovedDaughter
01-19-2016, 11:44 PM
So happy for you! Love his name! Welcome to the world, Josiah! <3

blythe_ann
01-20-2016, 09:03 AM
Well, God is having fun testing us this week. My husband is feeling fine now but I woke up with a low grade fever and a head cold. So much fun! So, another round of prayers that Josiah doesn't get THIS illness would also be greatly appreciated.
Man, I can't wait to get home. I might seal off the doors when we get there and just have my husband and dogs and baby for a few days.

Melissa1208
01-20-2016, 09:38 AM
Get some masks and wear those around the baby. I had to wear a mask around Hannah when she was born because I was so sick I had been coughing up blood and getting breathing treatments. We've used masks a few times with babies and they are annoying but sometimes work. We also have whoever is sick limit their time with the baby if possible.

tiredwalker
01-20-2016, 10:49 AM
Congratulations! I love his name. I'm praying that you guys have a healthy and smooth transition home! Blessings on your family!

Xinnamon
01-21-2016, 01:43 PM
Congratulations!!!!!

GM
01-21-2016, 05:10 PM
Your DH must be stressed! I think some time at home with your family and pets sounds great!

Jesus-is-the-1
01-21-2016, 06:59 PM
Congrats! I adore his name!!

mum2only1
01-23-2016, 12:27 AM
Congrats on the new baby!!!! His name is perfect!!! Stay healthy and try to rest

mina
01-23-2016, 03:34 AM
Congrats! Enjoy that baby!

snooch
01-23-2016, 10:41 AM
Have you been able to go home yet??

blythe_ann
01-24-2016, 09:07 PM
Sorry this update took so long to get to you. Settling in at home was more of a chore than we thought. My parents were here, which helped a little but also hindered because I'm a clean freak and they are messy. I just wanted the house to be clean for a little while when we first got home. Our house keeper, who is really sweet, was also kind of a slob while we were away. She didn't keep the dog hair cleaned up at all, so I had to vacuum right away, it was so bad. At least we know he isn't severely allergic to dogs!
He flew like a champ. We got the call on Thursday afternoon at 4 PM and were at the airport by 5:30. our flight took off at 7:30 and we went home Friday morning. He slept on the plane the whole time except when he was being fed. My husband held him most of the time on the plane so I could sleep. I held him through airport security and such. At first they didn't believe me that I had a baby on me because he's so little.
I can't post full on pictures on social media yet... not until he is finalized into our home at 6 months (ridiculous, but that's the way the system works) but I can post a couple of indirect, non-identifying photos. If you want one, I don't mind sharing at all, but it will have to be through private message or email. So, please just PM me if you want a picture and I will get it to you as soon as I can. It won't be an inconvenience, but it might take a bit for me to get to it.

Thanks for all of the prayers, ladies.

http://s12.postimg.org/lakmwrhf1/IMG_4979.jpg

Jesus-is-the-1
01-24-2016, 09:22 PM
What a sweetie! Glad to hear you are home!

GM
01-24-2016, 09:27 PM
Sweat pea!

GM
01-24-2016, 09:29 PM
Sweat pea!
Pm a pic when you can. I'm the grandma on this board😂

snooch
01-24-2016, 10:57 PM
Yay, baby is home!!

Melissa1208
01-24-2016, 10:58 PM
Me, too! Me, too!

Virginia
01-25-2016, 12:05 AM
Thank you for the update. I'd LOVE to see a PM'd picture if you get a chance!! So sweet!

purple
01-25-2016, 08:18 PM
I so glad this has worked out! I pray you will be blessed and happy as a little family xx

tiredwalker
01-26-2016, 10:25 AM
I'd love one too. I just smell the sweetness with that photo--all that hair! So beautiful. Congratulations!

jgonz
01-26-2016, 12:52 PM
Congratulations!!!

BelovedDaughter
01-26-2016, 09:02 PM
I'd like a pic too :) You can PM one here or you can email me one. If you want my email, message me! :) What a darling little guy!!!

GM
01-27-2016, 03:35 PM
I want him!

mum2only1
01-30-2016, 12:26 AM
I would love a photo of him. Precious.

Christina
02-03-2016, 11:30 PM
Just checking in and wondering how things are going. Praying you all are well and that you are bonding well and are getting down to your new normal :) I would love a picture if you have time but of course, no rush!

blythe_ann
02-04-2016, 03:39 PM
So far so good with the new little man :). He's a sweet heart-- we've had a couple of bad nights but otherwise he's sleeping okay and he's eating like a champ. I feel like we are bonding well-- when he is fussy (which is rarely) being cuddled against my chest usually fixes it, which is a nice feeling :)
His birth mother has kind of stepped back for the time being, though we hope she reconnects with us again soon. We are continuing to update her with pictures and such.

He is a sweetheart.

purple
02-05-2016, 08:57 AM
I feel like we are bonding well-- when he is fussy (which is rarely) being cuddled against my chest usually fixes it, which is a nice feeling :).

That is beautiful. I'm SO very happy for you!