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Virginia
08-12-2015, 11:18 PM
What would you do?

In December 2013, I chopped off 12 inches of hair into a pixie cut, which I LOVED :D When my best friend whom I've known for 20 years got engaged, I decided to grow it out a bit for her wedding. She did not ask me to and said she would've been fine with me keeping it short, but I wanted to have options :)

I'm in another wedding in October. It's for my brother-in-law's wife. She and my brother-in-law are already married and have been for over a year (he's in the Army). When she found out I was growing my hair out for my best friend's wedding, she made a "joke" that I should just keep growing it out until October.

Well...I don't want to :frog:

Why?
1) It's at a hard length to take care of. It doesn't fit all the way into a ponytail or cute bun. Work starts in a couple weeks. I don't have time to get up 45 minutes earlier to style it every other day because I am teaching early bird, which starts an hour before the regular teaching workday starts...and I am already NOT a morning person ;)

2) I'm pregnant. I'm exhausted. I want that extra 45 minutes of sleep!

3) It's my hair and I don't like being told what to do. I know that's a bad reason, but...she's selfish, and it's my hair, and yeah...

However, it would only be two more months of growing. I could tough it out and suck it up, since I know that's what she wants... I guess... :decision::help:



So. Just wondering: what would you do?

snooch
08-12-2015, 11:21 PM
I would cut my hair! For all the reasons you said, and especially because it's my frigging hair and someone who has been married for a year and a half and is having a wedding doesn't get to tell me how they want me to look so their pictures fit their image of whatever!

Mrs_B
08-13-2015, 12:03 AM
Yeah, I'd do whatever I want with my hair. I don't really think someone's hair cut is something a bride can dictate of her bridesmaids.

mina
08-13-2015, 12:42 AM
Do whatever you want with your hair. It's ridiculous that any bride thinks they have a say in someone's length of hair.

GM
08-13-2015, 01:19 AM
I don't like ppl telling me what to do but I would probably just keep it longer for her. :/ I know...not popular opinion but I'm different :P
And I feel that way because it's only 2 more months of growing out...It's not a full year, etc.

DIANAC
08-13-2015, 03:53 AM
Maybe her comment was really a joke and maybe (probably) she already forgot about it...
:)

katzankatz
08-13-2015, 08:47 AM
My first thought is do what you want. But I do wonder if your SIL thinks that you have low regard for her since you're willing to grow out your hair for one girl (who didn't even ask you to), but not for her. Her reaction may have nothing to do with the hair length and more about what she perceives as your regard for her. GM makes a point worth considering. A couple months isn't a long time. You could get a little trim in a month that might keep the hair at a manageable length (the length it's at for the first friend's wedding) until after the SIL's wedding. Then after that, chop away.

katzankatz
08-13-2015, 08:48 AM
Or you could cut it short before both weddings, since your friend said she doesn't mind either way.

Virginia
08-13-2015, 08:59 AM
Maybe her comment was really a joke and maybe (probably) she already forgot about it...
:)

This is the third "joke" she's made about it. A year ago (before she knew I was growing it out for the first wedding I was already in and I had a true pixie cut) she said I should consider getting extensions for her wedding so I "wasn't the only bridesmaid without an updo." Also... you know that saying that every joke has an ounce of truth in it? ;) I think that's probably the case here.

My first thought is do what you want. But I do wonder if your SIL thinks that you have low regard for her since you're willing to grow out your hair for one girl (who didn't even ask you to), but not for her. Her reaction may have nothing to do with the hair length and more about what she perceives as your regard for her. GM makes a point worth considering. A couple months isn't a long time. You could get a little trim in a month that might keep the hair at a manageable length (the length it's at for the first friend's wedding) until after the SIL's wedding. Then after that, chop away.

I do have lower regard for her than my best friend of over 20 years :behindcouch: It's the truth. She has been an unreasonable and demanding bride. Three bridesmaids have dropped out of her wedding party :(

No, a couple of months isn't a long time. It's the extra time I have to take styling it because it's at a stupid, annoying length. It's right at my chin. I need it either like five inches longer or all gone ;)

Or you could cut it short before both weddings, since your friend said she doesn't mind either way.

I was already in the first wedding in July ;) My hair was almost to my chin. It was a pain for the stylist to try to do. She had to take the whole thing down and start from scratch.

It's interesting that some people wouldn't cut it and some people would. That makes me feel like I can justify either decision.

katzankatz
08-13-2015, 11:03 AM
It shouldn't even be a predicament for you. It's a bit unfair. Who cares if you're the only one without an updo? Pixie short is beautiful, if you ask me. And even if it was not a good look for you (but I know it is - I remember the picture :) ), she is being over-sensitive about it. Matchy-matchy is overrated anyway, imho. :P

Given what you've expounded on, her general attitude, and the trouble she's had with other bridesmaids, I'm beginning to lean towards cutting it. Maybe it doesn't matter, she might find something else to hold against you, given her over sensitive nature. But I understand why you're still hesitant :) , really, either way would be an equally good choice . Does she know the practical reasons why you want to cut it, the pregnancy fatigue and your job, and the challenge you are having with styling itj? The more I think about it, those are very valid reasons.

purple
08-13-2015, 11:21 AM
If it were me I'd cut my hair out of spite, but thats just me!

Virginia
08-13-2015, 11:44 AM
It shouldn't even be a predicament for you. It's a bit unfair. Who cares if you're the only one without an updo? Pixie short is beautiful, if you ask me. And even if it was not a good look for you (but I know it is - I remember the picture :) ), she is being over-sensitive about it. Matchy-matchy is overrated anyway, imho. :P

Given what you've expounded on, her general attitude, and the trouble she's had with other bridesmaids, I'm beginning to lean towards cutting it. Maybe it doesn't matter, she might find something else to hold against you, given her over sensitive nature. But I understand why you're still hesitant :) , really, either way would be an equally good choice . Does she know the practical reasons why you want to cut it, the pregnancy fatigue and your job, and the challenge you are having with styling itj? The more I think about it, those are very valid reasons.

No, she doesn't know yet, but I am planning on telling her and the rest of the extended family when I hit 12 weeks (in two weeks) :) I also didn't think about the fact that she might care if I have a bump and am showing.

I am still thinking and deciding. I want to be spiteful and say, "Screw you, I'm cutting it," but I know that's not loving or kind, so I want to make sure I'm in a good mental place and my heart's right if I do decide to cut it...if that makes sense. :)

Historia
08-13-2015, 12:11 PM
I would cut it. Then again, I don't understand the many things that some brides ask of bridesmaids and guests that don't have any real impact on the wedding. Who cares if your hair is short and other bridesmaids are long? I don't understand why updos are so important. Though this is coming from the woman who had a very small and simple wedding with no updos or fancy dresses (including mine).

GM
08-13-2015, 12:19 PM
I've been to a few weddings where the bridesmaids hair was all styled the same. So either they ALL had updos or ALL had it curled or OR had it in a pony etc. Maybe she wants all of the girls to look the same?

mina
08-13-2015, 12:22 PM
The fact that she's making comments about it is really obnoxious to me. That would drive me crazy. when people try to control things that don't really matter about others, it really rubs me the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with you cutting your hair, even if it's not what she wants. It is her wedding, but come on.....brides that act this way are a pain and a half. If it's not hair , it would be something else.

Historia
08-13-2015, 12:55 PM
I've been to a few weddings where the bridesmaids hair was all styled the same. So either they ALL had updos or ALL had it curled or OR had it in a pony etc. Maybe she wants all of the girls to look the same?

I say they all get pixies. :P

Virginia
08-13-2015, 06:06 PM
I've been to a few weddings where the bridesmaids hair was all styled the same. So either they ALL had updos or ALL had it curled or OR had it in a pony etc. Maybe she wants all of the girls to look the same?

I've seen this once before. She definitely wants us to match and look uniform. In fact, she had several bridesmaids drop out of the wedding party and then two new ones joined, and she was going to potentially ask us to ALL buy new dresses so we could match the new bridesmaids.

I talked to her and managed to help her see that is unrealistic and not cool...


The fact that she's making comments about it is really obnoxious to me. That would drive me crazy. when people try to control things that don't really matter about others, it really rubs me the wrong way. There is nothing wrong with you cutting your hair, even if it's not what she wants. It is her wedding, but come on.....brides that act this way are a pain and a half. If it's not hair , it would be something else.

It's annoying me, too, because she's joked about it/brought it up three separate times over the past couple of years. Glad I'm not the only one!

I say they all get pixies. :P

Haha, I love it :P Who knows? Maybe they'd all fall in love with it.

I wonder if a bride has ever done that before...made her bridesmaids all cut their hair... I'm Googling it ;)

DIANAC
08-14-2015, 10:45 AM
You see, length of your hair became an indication of how much you love and care for the bride. Unfortunately since your BIL's wife found out about that, she with her "jokes" is indirectly indicating that she also wants your love and respect.
it's a good thing. Unfortunately, the way she presented it was in poor taste.
I am absolutely certain that you will decide the kindest and most loving thing to do. After all she is a part of your extended family. Years later people somehow remember the oddest things about the weddings. When we were getting married some very distant relatives invited themselves to our wedding. I was upset about that. But they came anyway because they also combined it with NY vacation. Years later I am still upset ... with myself for being so ungracious.

judy02
08-15-2015, 11:47 AM
Given the strained relationship you already have, ansd the fact she's difficult, I can see why you probably don't want to do it. If she's been overly demanding anyway, your temptation would be to just think "no" when she asks.

I think if it were me personally, I probably would just suck it up, and tell myself that it's only 2 more months, although I do appreciate the reasons you listed. You could try and gently mention why you feel you'd struggle to keep it growing for her wedding, with the reasons you listed, and that it's not personal about her. But if I'm honest, I can see how she could easily take it personally, even if it wasn't, if you grew it out for another person's wedding and then not hers just a couple of months later.

Anyway, my thoughts, but up to you :) I woulddn't do anything to spite her though, even if she is difficult (which I don't think is usually your style). I don't think repaying bad for bad, no matter how difficult someone is, is really that helpful. And it doesn't usually make the difficult/unpleasant person into a nicer person either.

katzankatz
08-15-2015, 12:26 PM
Good point ^ about not paying evil for evil. Hmm. It's making me think again. I know you want to do the right thing. :)

Virginia
08-15-2015, 06:24 PM
I do want to do the right thing :) *nods* Thank you for your thoughts, Judy.

I am afraid if I keep growing it out, every time I have to get up early to blow dry and straighten it for work, I will feel resentful of her. I already feel...kind of annoyed...with some of the decisions she's made for the wedding and expectations I feel she has of us that are unrealistic.

Did I mention there's a 50% chance this wedding won't even happen October 3rd because her Army husband might be at training? :doh: That makes my decision even harder. Like, if I grow it out...and then the wedding doesn't happen...I will feel pretty bitter about all the lost sleep and annoyingness lol.