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Lauriesinglemom
06-29-2016, 06:30 PM
Hi everyone

My name is Laurie and I am a single mom to a 12 year old son. We are both Christian and divorced as my ex husband left for someone else and hasnt even made contact with myself or his son. Its sad but life goes on and with God as my savior, it's been a blessing so far for the lord keeping me strong.

The other day, I caught my son ( yes , I am assuming you know where I am going with this ) in his room and I am having such a struggle right now to talk and explain things . I feel like I am failing as his mother to explain quote , unquote " life " and yes puberty.

Has anyone been through this or can offer advice .


Laurie

snooch
06-29-2016, 07:31 PM
I would just be honest with him. It's a natural part of a teenage boy's life. There are books you can check out from the library that explain changing bodies to adolescents, and that might help.

Lauriesinglemom
06-29-2016, 07:37 PM
Is this normal behavior for a 12 year old. Its like I don't know what to explain to him. It's a lot different as if I had daughters

snooch
06-29-2016, 07:42 PM
It seems normal to me. You might want to ask a youth pastor at church for advice on speaking to him about it.

tiredwalker
06-29-2016, 09:43 PM
Teacher mode!

It's 100% normal and should be expected. He's curious and his body is changing for all of that. To help him through this with grace and dignity, you can do a few or all of the following:

1. have a very factual sex talk--be scientific and let that lead you to a discussion about the heart.
2. make sure all internet devices are in public spaces.

3. Discuss pornography for what it is: it's not real, it sets an unrealistic standard which he will not be able to attain, it will diminish real sex, AND it frequently involves trafficked girls.

4. Teach him how to wash his sheets and make it his responsibility (embarrassing dreams will be less horrific if you're not washing his sheets or interrogating him about why he's messing with your washer!).

5. Remember, it's his body and his relationship with God. Don't press him too hard, try to control him because you really can't, or lead in with a "sin" talk because it will foster shame and self-loathing.

6. Let him know that you love him so much no matter what. Puberty is so awkward, and he still needs his Mommy.

tiredwalker
06-29-2016, 09:59 PM
My #1 could go something like this (After teaching junior high and high school, I've become very frank about this stuff--it does help the kids feel more comfortable):

Your body is changing so that you can eventually have babies. To make sure we fill the world with new people, our bodies are designed to like having sex; it feels good. Males create sperm and it needs to be released every so often and if it's not through sex or masturbation, it'll come out after a dream. This happens to all boys. It's private and most people feel very shy about it when it starts happening. The Bible talks a lot about how we think about other people in this way and how we act in this way. It tells us to have pure thoughts. It doesn't specifically talk about whether masturbation is wrong, but it does talk about having sex outside of marriage and not lusting after other people--thinking just about them what they can do for us in a sexual way--it makes that person into an object in our minds instead of a person. In regards to masturbation, that is a private matter between you and God that you need to think and pray about. Some people think it's okay to do and some people don't. (I think...)

Sorry for the novel. I get chatty when I've been up too long. Best of luck with all of this!

Lauriesinglemom
06-30-2016, 08:53 AM
So it's normal for boys to masturbate, should I be mad and upset that he does. So let me get this straight and I may come off being dumb but I am not a boy. Boys release ejaculation in their sleep but how is this possible if the penis isnt being stimulated?

snooch
06-30-2016, 09:08 AM
It's an anatomical function. I think it might help you speak to him if you read up on it first yourself, so you can answer his questions with the right information.

tiredwalker
06-30-2016, 11:10 AM
What snooch said. Don't be mad or upset; it'll just shut down communication on the issue.

Virginia
06-30-2016, 12:17 PM
Laurie, it is very, very normal (and in fact, many Christians do not believe it is sinful, so long as it is done without lusting).

TW's advice was excellent. The more matter-of-fact and objective a parent can be when discussing this with their children, the better. There are some excellent books out there that could be helpful for you or that could be helpful for your son in addressing puberty and his changing body/desires.

purple
07-04-2016, 05:40 AM
It is 100% totally natural and normal for a 12 year old to be going through this.
Does your son have an uncle or man he trusts that you could ask to speak to him about this?